hooray!

sat for my last paper for this semester today :) english proficiency. 

i just learned the meaning of 'prolific' which is highly productive, characterized by abundant production, fruitful, etc. i think i wrote it to be mean "creative". oh well. too bad.

so yes, praise God i am free from exams and studies for a while (just a while, three short weeks kind of while). and indeed He has been faithful and His goodness abounding. i super duper can't wait for chinese new year, cherating trip with li foong, maybe a trip up to sitiawan pangkor, and meet ups and catch ups with friends. why can't it always be like this? :(

so anyway, have a good holiday! toodles!

exam hall picture - after our last paper today :D
that's brandon, my assignment partner  for most of this semester
and he sits beside me in proficiency class.
clown. 

Thank you, God, for everything.

another rainy day

loveliest weather we've had in days,
sun shining down in warm golden rays

this was true just hours ago when i was walking to the swimming pool ah well. it’s raining again. and i’m sitting at my balcony, looking at the rain. it’s beautiful

two papers down, three more to go.

at the end of that, it’ll mean that my first year in uni is done.

*takes a moment to let that sink*

I FINISH MY FIRST YEAR IN UNI!
NO MORE THE BLUR SESAT JUNIOR.
NO LONGER IN THE “RED DOT” CATEGORY  *joanne
NO MORE THE ONE BEING LOOKED OUT FOR.

my adventure here in uni will continue to progress  i’m excited! for all God has in store.

three more years to go. this is my prayer:

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12

rain is stopping. off to dinner. and then back to studying.

i have to remind myself; i’m not actually done with first year yet. i’ve still got my finals to finish up

toodles.

rainfall

so today i was studying in the library and i usually walk over to the big windows on the third floor when i need a change from looking at the blank walls. there's green grass and trees to look at from there, the blue cloudy skies on sunny days and most importantly, the warmth you get when you touch the glass.

there's also the main road where the cars all go in one direction and it's pretty interesting watching the people get in and out of the cars when they're not supposed to be stopping on that road. it's a different story when you're the one driving on that road and someone stops in front of you to let their passengers off. i get irritated most times :\ funny how when you're looking from that window it doesn't irritate you, instead it's amusing. funny what a change in perspective can do.

but today, it rained super duper heavily in the evening. thunder, lightning, strong winds and huge drops of rain. my window lost its warmth. and i just sat there watching the rain fall, watching the drops roll down the window. and i noticed the window leaks somewhere, cause the frame was slightly wet on the inside. just a  thought.

the rain, depicted precisely what i'd been feeling. :(
*this is turning into a gila emo post. which is rare, since i usually don't write gila emo posts.
i shall elaborate no further.

at first, i was pretty disappointed. why did it have to rain? it spoiled some dinner plans we had, i had no umbrella, i was stuck in the North Pole of UM, i was really hungry and really cold. awesome. i really wanted to say, "it's not fair!" but something in me said, "God knows best."

God knows best. dinner was postponed. the rained paused to a drizzle for a while so that i could walk over to the bus stop quickly. the bus came after some time, nevertheless at least it came. i got out of the North Pole back to the other side of UM where i stay. i went straight for dinner, bumped into some friends and had good company for dinner. i think i ate too much :\ i got back to my room and died on the bed for a few hours.

i am reminded, unlike weather changes, God still remains and is unchanging. He still cares, He still understands, He still knows what is best.

i think i'm pretty sick of the library for now. it's too cold and too crowded, and i'm such a complainer. terrible.

finals start next week, God still remains. yay!

final two

just got back from NC 2010 and it was really good, really really good.

am having my two last papers for my first sem’s finals tomorrow – Writing About Literature and Physical Education. God, please help me.

am a bit restless now. so, meet my pet baby gecko.

and he’s reading my Physical Education notes

distraction from Writing about Literature

comel kan? aiseh, so distracted. how you tell me, how? okay, back to the notes. and update on NC 2010 will come soon after tomorrow’s two final papers.

last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two!!

the end of this very dark tunnel...

...and into sunshine!! :)

STPM is finished. enough said :)

thank you, God, for being there all the way!

thank you for being my refuge, my strength, my God in whom i trust.

keeping sane

so, i promised not to go on facebook till stpm is over. and so far so good :)

i used to go on all in the name of "de-stressing". ending up looking through a million gazillion profiles and pictures, playing bejeweled, heh. and then realising, "ohmy! i wasted so much much much time!" :(

so, with one of my de-stress tools gone which was actually a distraction. i had to resort to something else, less time consuming yet with the same de-stressing effects :)

and i remembered what kept me sane through SPM. veggietales :) see it goes way back here.

so, today. i just watched three of my favorite ones :) teehee. i love! ♥

it's pretty good timing. cause i come down, listen to a silly song, say to myself "times up!" and get back to the books. works pretty well and is only about five minutes at the maximum? :) i love my new de-stress tool. :D

Song of the Cebu :)

The Hairbrush Song

I Love My Lips

and...

Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

there's a lot more :) but these are my favorite ones.

oh, silly songs are so fun!

oh, and today a few of the Youths came and i got an STPM de-stress kit. haha, kitkat, biscuits, jelly, stress balls, sweets :) and prayer and encouragement.

i love you's :) thank you very much!

♥ taa!

crash and burn

been running through our old songs on the computer, stuff my brother downloaded over 5 years back.

and this song played. i like it :)

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

- crash and burn, savage garden

videos pretty, umm, interesting :) i like.

i like his blue eyes, i like his sign-language at the end too. i like the quotes. i like the lyrics. i like this video, pretty much :) you like?

with STPM just around the corner, this song is very relate-able!

on a lighter note, daddy's back from UKland :)

after four long months. sigh :)

thank God he's home safely!

besides all that, God has been really faithful and graceful and He has some pretty awesome timing. His surprises are really timely, really timely. He sent the right people into my life at the right times.

thank You, Lord ♥

thank You for always being with me,

every single time i crash and burn.

for breaking my fall and encouraging me to get up again.

what would i ever do without You?

i love you.♥

listening to savage garden songs makes me so emo :( teehee.

november's here!

hello!

cause we need motivation :D

how many more days to stpm again?

THIRTY EIGHT? hmm...

that's not too far away...*panic!*

so, we've been having a study break for about a week and a half now also because there's PMR (which ends tomorrow, those were the days lah) and joanne, sue ann, kentrick and i have been studying in church almost everyday (minus weekends).

pretty conducive i must say. no distractions like the teevee, internet, sleeping...

so, i thank God that at least there's been progress. :)

study partner, joanne.

we need to be at different tables so that we don't talk.

motivation :)

'Eat Nasi Lemak' was the first thing ticked off :)

she said, "eh, why do you need to bend when we take pictures..?"

i said, "let's take another." and i didn't bend this time...

she said, "eh, can bend down, please?"

hahahaha :) funny girl.

apart from that, celebrated rachel and michelle's birthday at italianies and after that at laundry last friday. should be the last of its kind (these celebrations) till the exams are over.

the standard stand on the chair do.

birthday girls :)

the whole bunch.

minus chuan chuen who was taking the picture.

more birthday pictures here.

okay, back to the books.

and study break end tomorrow :(

i like study breaks...

Lord, keep me close to you.

this feeling

i love this feeling! ♥

no more trials.

though i am very clear on the fact that it's less than two months to the real thing.

this is for the moment!

but for now, trials is done with. :)

though i did screw up some papers but still...

Praise the Lord!

so, i stayed back for cf recess meeting today and was blessed :) i sayang the younger ones much, and seeing them grow in their walks with God is so encouraging. i pray that God will keep them close to Him always.

time flies so so so fast. i feel aged.

but as i look back on my ever lengthening timeline, i see God's love and faithfulness all throughout. and i am so grateful for all He has done. so so so grateful :)

and if it's God's will, there's still a long exciting journey ahead.

ah, you make all the difference!

you who makes my life have a purpose.

you who are ever present and real in my life.

you who are full of surprises and miracles.

you, O Lord, i love you! ♥

besides that, i'm going for thePlan09 this sunday till wednesday. it's a mission conference thing and i am so excited! pray for God to speak and for the people there, the young people there especially, to answer and obey His call.

i'm really excited about God's call, but at times i'm not sure. i struggle with wanting to have control of my own life and my own future of wanting things to go according to my way, but i know that God's ways are above mine and His thought higher than my thoughts. and so, my life is at its best in His hands, according to His plans.

i was reminded of this some weeks back during an LYPG meeting. and it made me reflect on my walk with God again. how comfortable i had become at some point of my life, that He had to remind me of His call. His call to deny me, to die to myself and my desires and to follow Him.

Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Luke 9:23

there is no greater purpose for my life than God's purpose. and that is the purpose i hope to be able to live out.

i am sorry, Lord, for the times i've let you down, times when i've gone my own way. but i thank you for being ever faithful and ever patient, always ready to take me back and embrace me when i came running back to you. thank you. help me, Lord, to know your purpose and to obey them. grant me courage and strength to do what you tell me to do and help me to trust in you always.

(: smile :) :D (",)

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

- smile, uncle kracker

it's such a happy song :) i likee...!

i can't believe it that i'm halfway through trials, actually more than halfway :)

the harder papers are done, though i did screw up :(

but but but...i survived!

God has been so amazing and faithful throughout.

thank You, Lord :)

but i'm pretty anxious about tomorrow's math paper.

argh, math's just not really my thing :(

okays, have a nice day!

smile :D

rescue

Dear God,

I really really really need you, Lord. :(

i'm not asking that You give me straight A's in my exams cause i know i don't deserve it.

i'm not asking You to take me out of my situations and place me in a world i percieve as perfect, cause that's just me wanting to run away.

i'm not asking You to show me what the future holds so that i'll be comforted cause that's not faith and who am i to ask that of You?

but please,

i'm asking that You'll teach me what to do.

i'm asking for Your grace and strength to get through this.

i'm asking that You help me to look at things through Your eyes and to look to You.

i'm asking that You'll calm my fears and grant me courage to go through with this.

because You know what's in my heart. and You know what's best.

i need you. i need You to come to my rescue, Lord...

The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not be in want.

Psalm 23:1

break time :)

it's surprising how i blog more as my stpm trials are nearing.

you'd think i'd abandon this blog at such a time as this. considering i've been doing a lousy job keeping it alive when you look back in time.

but i think blogging is like my little "stress relief" thing to do :)
it's like, i study for and hour plus and then i say okay, break time. go blog or something :)

well, i try to be very brief when i come online. and i do give myself time limits. but it's the frequency of coming online that kind of worries me.

well, i've got to do all i can to keep myself sane, right? seriously all that cramming is no good. well, i'd admit it's my fault for last minute cramming. heh.

besides coming online, i go jogging . i kinda like jogging, especially now that i've got yewkong's handy-dandy-strappy-thingy that can hold my mp3 player. music helps take my mind off the fatigue setting in. :)

i love holidays lahh, despite having to study.
i don't know, it's just a very flexible thing.

now back to maths. cause my time limits up!
toodles.

Dear Lord, thank you for the holidays.
i really needed it :) you always know what's best.
i love you.

the parable of the talents

Matthew 25:14-30
14“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them.

15To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.

16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more.
17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more.
18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.
20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’
21“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!’
22“The man with the two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’
23“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!’

24“Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.
25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
26“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?
27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28”‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents.
29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’


i just just finished exams :) and i'm very happy.
but besides all that, there still lots to do, there's still this and that to get done, and sometimes it all get's just so - overwhelming.
and there are times when i would just wish my life was free of responsibilities and all that stuff, but that's very selfish and irresponsible of me.

the parable of talents recently spoke to me, in the midst of all my frustration and wanting to let go of everything. i was at the point of asking why i had to do this, and why i had to do that, why was i given such responsibilities to bear...it was a lot of questions!

as i read this parable. the answer came to my questions of why.

we are all given different kinds and amounts of "talents". some have more, some less, some have certain gifts and some don't, everyone has a different calling and a role to play.

that's why, it's not for me to demand of God that i had been given more of this or less of that. it's ultimately up to God what He wants to give.

and then, it's up to us what we want to do with the talents given to us.
will we go at once and put our money to work?
or dig a hole in the ground and hide my Master's money?

putting out talents to work, means being obedient to the purposes and things God calls us to. sometimes along the way, we may get worried, and tired of working, we may lose our vision of being at work at it in the first place, and we may reach moments where we just want to give up.

it's a whole lot easier to just dig a whole and hide the talent given to us. it won't multiple but it'll be safe. we won't have to worry about it and we can go on doing our own things without much thought of the talent (except that we'll have to remember where it's buried). we could go shopping, makan, anything we want. sounds good, no?

but what happens when the Master comes back?
to the one who has put his talents to work and have gained even more, the master says,

‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!’

and to the one who hid the talent, he replies in verse 26-30,

'You wicked, lazy servant!... And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

so, what's worth it in the end?
working our talents though it may be really tough at time, but reaping the fruits at the end of the day and sharing in our Master's happiness?
or having a jolly good holiday yet ending up thrown out?

and at that point, lots of things were put in perspective for me. what kind of servant am i?
i hope that at the end of the day, i will hear something like this ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!’ from my Master.

i want to be sold out for Christ.

Lord, i know that i've been pretty 'complainy' about certain things lately and i know i've been getting frustrated with lots of stuff and that all that breaks your heart. but i sometimes really feel so so so helpless and i don't know what i should do. Lord, i need you to help me. and i want to serve you with all i am, i want to put to work the talents you have given to me. i want to be obedient to your calling. Lord, whenever i lose sight of the vision and purpose of my calling, i pray that you would remind me of it.

totally killed it

haha, i totally killed my "at least one post per month" trend. totally.

but anyway, just so you know, i am still alive.

since we missed out on two plus months, i'm going to give a very brief statement of what happened.

march - CF CAMP 2009!! :)

april - went by in a dash. oh yea, EASTER :)

may - EXAMS! :(
but they're ending reaaaal soon :)
PRAISE GOD!

it's been a journey. with some bumps, hills, tunnels and occasional smooth roads. but it's mostly an excitement and something new at every corner! :D

Ahh, what would i do without you, dear Lord.
you make everything glorious!
thanks for being there and always, always bringing us through.

grace amazing takes me home

this has got to be one of the longest weeks of my life.

form 6 is really being very unkind to me :(
okay, i guess it would have been better if i had studied consistently all the while.

exams are finally over! and this isn't even the real deal. next year, next year. ohboyy...

i really felt very very super duper low throughout the exams.

and the results i got back are not excellent, but i can't ask for lots of A+ if i hadn't been studying, right? oh wells. :(

but i know that God has been with me all throughout the exams and i know He'll be with me all the way. He's always been there. :)

Lord, i love you so much!
and i'll wait for You to come rescue me, in Your time.
thanks for Your amazing amazing grace in my life.
Thank You! :)

the last paper

yups. this is the LAST paper of SPM! and i felt it was the most important paper of them all - BIBLE KNOWLEDGE. and i really hope that i did my very very best for God! yups :) and this is why it's the most important!

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth;
meditate on it day and night,
so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Then you will be prosperous and successful.
Joshua 1:8

the whole SPM has been a crazy amazingly full of grace period. so much of God's goodness everyday! i'm so super happy that it's over!

now, for the fun fun fun i've been awaiting :) teehee. trips, shopping, sleepovers, movies!

but first. the major clean up of my room which has been struck by the exam mess! :)