Thursday, September 11, 2014

change of mindset

Lately, I've been having some challenges to the way I see things and some shifts in my perspectives.

Well, not lately, my whole life is made up of that sort of thing really. That's life right? New things come in, people with different ideas or opinions, you learn new things through exposure and your world becomes a little bigger, brighter, darker, deeper, better or even worse (depending on how you begin to look at things).

There are truths, I believe. And truths are objective and absolute. But that's another matter altogether.

So, I like to think of myself as someone who is pretty rational in most areas, someone who is respectful and understanding towards others, and someone who has an open mind and an open heart to learn and receive new knowledge and wisdom. (I think too highly of myself. Be humble, Wai Yan!)

Boy, was I wrong about all that. And what it took was when someone whom I really loved had a rather different and conflicting views with me. Okay, maybe I took it personally and I didn't like that he disagreed with me. I didn't like that I may be wrong or was wrong. :( It really bugged me. It confused me. Was I to be humble and take in this person's view and accept it or was I to be firm in my convictions?

I didn't want to be the kind of person who just believes everything she is told or who just follows the latest or most popular school of thoughts. I didn't want to follow and believe blindly what I was told. I wanted to hold firm to convictions that were mine and stand on foundations that were firm and true. I wanted to have substance in what I believed in.

But most of all, I wanted my thoughts and my opinions to be in line with God's thoughts and truths which would be the Word of God. It was a call to look through His perspectives, to study His Word and to view the world and all its ideas and its whole existence through the lens of God's Word.

Well, how that issue of disagreement was resolved is that there is such a thing as agreeing to disagree and to disagree with grace. After lots of talking and sharing, we decided it was fine to be where we were in our thoughts on the issue. I would take in the person's view but I don't have to accept it as mine. I guess it's a lot more complicated if it's someone you love very much disagreeing with you on some fundamental truth you've had.

That experience however, made me examine my attitude and mindset. And I prayed about it. Because I know I was weak and I make mistakes. And I knew I needed God's grace, wisdom and discernment in all this.

The thought that came and the prayer uttered after was;

Let me not be like a wave tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine or newest issue or standpoint. Let me not be like a rock that is so stubborn and so hardened that I do not allow You to move in me and change me. May I be a river, that flows and carries the presence of God wherever I go, that brings life and refreshing to all around me. That washes over the stubborn rocks and gets them wet. Letting them know that there is a God and that He lives.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

"Change of mindset," 
my loves said to me.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Soli Deo Gloria - Glory to God Alone

So, I have not blogged in a while. (This line is getting old) :\

Updates updates...

It's very hard cause I'm in an "in-between" phase or a "not doing anything" phase. Some call it "bumming", the more local term - "mengaggur".

Every day is a little different. Some days I have stuff to do - clean, read, meet ups, catch ups, dates, aanndd other stuff. And I feel productive and happy :) But there are days where I sleep, eat and repeat. Such days make me feel a little down and that my life is rotting away D: Noooo... :(

But anyway, am graduating this October. It is confirmed! Praise the Lord and indeed soli Deo gloria! As I look back at those four years, I know it was more Him than me or anything else. How He consistently stayed and shaped me in my university days. Much has changed, then and now, but one thing remains - God and God alone. He has given me more than I could ever ask for or even imagine. And indeed His ways are above my ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts.

I do miss uni life (a liiiittle bit) :P I miss the friends and the relationships we had built over the couple of years. Yeah, technology and keeping in touch efforts is there but it's not the same as having your roommate who you see daily before/after/in between classes. Oh, back then when our days were measured by what classes/ activities we had :) I miss the perfect mix of routine and leisure back then. We were not too overloaded (last minute assignments and study times are not counted) with work but not slack with absolutely nothing to do. I miss being prodded, pushed and exposed to new knowledge in my courses and through interactions with different people. Learning, I miss learning. I miss the different opportunities you get in uni that you don't get elsewhere.

And today, the new semester begins for the undergraduates. Something I would not be a part of any more. And it's okay :) Cause life has its times and seasons.

Well, that's part of my life history now. Moving on :) To a bright and exciting adventure ahead. Holding fast to the constant in my life and reminding myself it is all unto His glory. He must increase, I must decrease.

Soli Deo Gloria.