Saturday, December 31, 2011

toodles, two-oh-one-one

Today is the last day of 2011.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new year, a new start.

Just got back from our PPBC Youth Camp :) The theme was "ReNEWed".
Indeed God has been doing a renewing work among us. A very much needed renewing work. 
And I thank God for that.

So, time to review and reflect on this year. 
And then boldly step into the new year with God. 

Thank You, God, for 2011. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

christmas is coming!

enough said.
Flirt male

Monday, December 12, 2011

prioritize

“Prioritizing is a constant task that, if done well, will keep you from getting overwhelmed. But, if you don’t prioritize using God’s Spirit and His Word as your plumb line, you will lose peace, feel like a failure, and end up doing nothing well. And that is never God’s purpose. Beware of the shoulds other people assign to your life and learn to say no. Remember: Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to.” –Lisa Ryan

Why didn’t I read this earlier in the semester? Well, it’s not too late.

God, teach me and guide me to prioritize well the things I have to do that my life may glorify You through it all. Even when things are so overwhelming at times and I feel like giving up, help me to know and believe that indeed with You, nothing is impossible. I’m sorry for the things I’ve messed up and I ask for Your grace and mercy to continue to steer me back to Your paths.

We’re now in Week 13! Two more weeks to go! Flirt male

Monday, December 5, 2011

perfect

i am not perfect
no matter how hard i try
i cannot be perfect
on my own

i am not perfect
and that is why i need grace,
only then
would grace have meaning

in my weaknesses,
in my imperfections,
His strength is made perfect

this is grace.
and this grace captures me
holds me
and carries me through

Friday, December 2, 2011

what's left...(is not right :P)

Been meaning to write a post for quite some time now, just couldn't find the time to piece all my bits and pieces of thoughts together. Yes, life is super crazy hectic. How I survive each week is nothing short of a miracle and I have God to thank for that. Week 11 just ended, stepping into Week 12 soon! And then 13...and then 14 and then...HOLIDAYS! CHRISTMAS! YOUTH CAMP! study break :\ and when we come back, exams. You get the idea.

But anyway, a few morning walks in the previous week (due to Micah the car needing a fix up and having lent my bus card to a friend), God has been reminding me and putting a lot of things into perspective for me, He is Sovereign and He is in control. I just have to allow Him to guide and direct my ways. No need for the unnecessary fuss, stress and all that jazz. Peace, God's peace. That is what I'm experiencing and I really can't explain it. It's beyond my understanding, beyond my finite comprehension. 

Honestly, I have been doing a lousy job as a steward of my time :( And the consequences are pretty teruk. I deserve some crappy grades this semester and I should be bracing myself for the drop :\ But while there's still this bit of time left, I'm going to commit it to God. It's not much but will do my best with what I have left. Not much, but still enough to be used by God. 

I  don't want to get disillusioned, I don't want to begin to take this grace from God for granted. I don't want to treat God's commands with contempt. Commands such as to be a steward of my time, to do whatever I do with all my heart as working for the Lord not for men, to honoring Him with my life. I pray the fear of God which is the beginning of wisdom will begin to take hold of my life.

Lord, forgive me for how I've wasted so much of what You gave to me. Forgive me for being like the lazy servant who hid the talent the master gave. Forgive me for treating your grace with contempt. Forgive me when I've let so many people down, for when I disappointed others and You because of my attitude. Forgive me. I don't understand why I've just been so distracted, tired and worn out this whole semester. So, unproductive. :\ 

5Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. 6You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.” (sounds familiar!)
7This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. 8Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the LORD. 9“You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. 10Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. 11I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands.”
Haggai 1:5-11
 I ask myself, "What have I been building?" Have I gotten so caught up in doing the things I've been called to do that I forgot the one who called me? Have I lost sight of my purpose here in UM, in TESL, in JTK, in PKVUM? O God, remind me once again of my purpose of being where I am. You said that this season would be one of preparation and equipping. I feel like I'm taking steps backwards, like I'm going nowhere :( God, maybe I don't see it now or maybe I've turned off the original path set for me and am going in another direction. But God, I ask that if it is the case of me not being able to see, that You would help me to trust in You no matter what. Little glimpses of what is to come would be nice :) And if it is the case of me going off on another road apart from Yours, I pray You will direct and guide me back to the right path and cause me to walk steadfastly with You. Lord, whatever time I have left, I offer it up to You and ask that You would teach me what to do. I trust in You.


I found the title pun to be quite amusing. Couldn't help myself from saying "What's left...is not right." Right as in the right and left opposites. But when I typed it out, my heart sank, it really meant to say, what's left is not right. Right as in correct, acceptable, okay :( And my life's not right at this moment. Sigh. But through God's grace and guidance, I'm going to try to steer it back to what's right. Until there's nothing left, I must give it my best to make what's left, right. 

Friday, November 11, 2011

Learning to Breathe

hello goodmorning,
how you do?
what makes your rising sun so new?


This is the way that I say I need you
This is the way that I say I love you
This is the way that I say I'm yours
This is the way
This is the waaaayyyy...

11.11 AM on the 11.11.11

have a nice day!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Week 9

It's Thursday already :| Eeps! And I've still got much to finish up. I have no idea why I'm so unproductive :( It's like nothing seems to be moving. It's like I'm just moving in circles and time keeps running and pretty soon it'll be Week 9 where I've got presentations and datelines to meet. I don't want Week 9 to come.

I'm not even looking at Week 10 :\

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, 
for tomorrow will worry about itself. 
Each day has enough trouble of its own. 
Matthew 6:34

One day at a time, one day at a time. God, please help me through each day. I'm such a hopeless case on my own :( But with God, life is worth living. 

Monday, November 7, 2011

Mid-Sem Break List

Thank God for this one week break. Have got a mad amount of deadlines to meet immediately after this week. And so, to remind me of the urgency and that though this break is a good rest, it is also a time to catch up and prepare for the tsunami of late nights, coffee and work that is to come. AHHHHHHH!!! 

Things that I have to get settled:
  • Digging deep into the Word of God & Spending more time in Prayer (because this is the best and most important preparation for any circumstance)
  • Educational Psychology Presentation on Gifted Students
  • Moral and Religion Assignment on the religion of Islam
  • Moral and Religion Assignment on students' take on religion.
  • Writing Assignment - Lesson Plan
  • Writing Assignment on the way writing is taught in schools today.
  • Reading Assignment - Finding a good reading text
  • Thinking and Communication Forum on Euthanasia
  • Making a list and keeping it *fingers crossed* (half done :P)
*takes a deep breath*
Trusting God 
because by my own strength and abilities, 
I am incapable to handle it all.

God, please grant me wisdom and self-discipline to finish up what I have to finish up. Help me to remember to allow you to work in me and through me even while I'm trying to get through my list of things to do. Help me to be a good steward of my time that at the end of this break, I would have invested and used it according to how You would want me to. Above all, may I glorify You in all that I do.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Life Sdn Bhd 7: REFUGEES


went for this on Friday night with Elaine, Joanne and Timothy. 
*the monorail on friday evenings/nights is a bad idea!
met Yew Kong and Charity, Jared, Jai, Elisabeth, Esther and Venn there.

listened to stories from the refugees.
listened to their heart cries and desires.
listened to their struggles, their fears.
listened to their hopes and dreams.
admired their strength, courage and perseverance.

i thought about the refugee kids i taught during the break,
i missed them.
i missed their singing and laughter.
i missed teaching them.

"Refugees are human too. I am human too,"
she said.

have we taken for granted what it is to be human?
and in doing so, have we forgotten how to treat others as human? 

Friday, October 21, 2011

are you okay?

"not okay."
*starts to cry*

haha,
precisely how i want to react to anyone who asks me that question at this moment. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

another goodbye

Last of my grandparents gone home to be with the Lord.

Bye, Poh-Poh.

I remember how you used to wait for us to come back to Ipoh for visits. You'd be waiting at the window and when you saw our car, you'd get excited.

I remember we had to speak loudly to you cause you were deaf and could not hear us. You used to wear a hearing aid but after some time in your old age, you didn't wear it anymore.

I remember how you made your way around, room to room, in little steps, clinging on to door frames and chairs for support. Your fall many years back did that to you.

I remember that before we left, we would all hug you one by one.
And the last time was when we went back to see you after Mah-Mah's funeral, about two months ago.

I hope you're happy in heaven now. And one day, I hope I shall meet you there too.

Chinese New Year 2011

In God, we are comforted. In God we hope.

Monday, October 10, 2011

what are you afraid of?

I am starting to do a book entitled ‘Praying for Purpose for women’ Smile a birthday gift from Joshua Chin when I was 18 years old. I believe it was quite timely for me to start the book at this time. Life’s been non-stop since university started Eye rolling smile been very busy and am growing weary, feeling pretty lost and frustrated many times.

And as I type all this out, I’m going to try to be as honest as I can be. I am fully aware that there are a ton of flaws and imperfections in me, to the point it is called “ugly”. But I hear, acknowledging it is the first step to change, painful and humbling steps.

The question today was “What are you afraid of?”

Two things:
1. Failure
2. Disappointing others and God

And that’s simply what I’ve been facing. A lot of things not going my way, things in the “could have been better” state, regret, letting others down, disappointing others and myself. It’s been so frustrating Sad smile

Makes me question, “Am I a people pleaser kind of person?” I think to a certain extent I am. I’ve always wanted to prove myself for something since I was young having struggled with many “Who am I?” questions at one point. Achievements were something I sub-consciously chased after. Certain events made me realize this, such as when I found myself being quite upset over the so-so results I obtained for STPM. Through many of those times, I found God’s grace and love telling me I need not prove anything to Him, for He loved me for who I am, who He created me to be. Many times, I found myself in His comfort finding my worth and purpose in Him when the circumstances around me told me otherwise. Thank you, God.

At twenty one, I still struggle with myself. I still look at expectations and shudder, yet I still do what I am expected to do till the point where I just do it for the sake of doing it. I’m not sure where this will take me. I think I need to start to take some steps back and look at it all from a distance again and ask, “Why am I doing this?”

I want to be a God pleaser, not a people pleaser. I want my life to be lived for His will and His purposes not the will and expectations of man on me.

God, teach me and grant me Your strength to face my fears and begin to live a life of victory for You.

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8
Remind me; it’s not about me, it’s ALL about God.

Monday, October 3, 2011

touch my heart, Lord, speak to me

If You can use anything, Lord
You can use me
If You can use anything, Lord
You can use me
Take my hands, Lord
And my feet
Touch my heart, Lord
Speak to me
If You can use anything, Lord
You can use me
-Use Me

Here comes Week 4 :\ Convo week, convo dinner, college this and that, assignments, ... I can cry T.T But no, I shall not despair instead I shall place my trust and hope in God! This weekend I learned about JUSTICE, MERCY, GRACE and THANKSGIVING. Got some tips and guidelines on how to live life a little better.

Now, it's all about implementation. Let's see how the coming week goes :) 

Open my ears and my heart to listen to what You are saying. Open my eyes to see what You are wanting to show me. Lord, this week, speak to me.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

hope

http://weheartit.com/entry/15224580
the thing that keeps me going.
knowing that it's worth it.
believing it'll make a difference.

My hope is in the Lord.


Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

...

on a totally unrelated note,
i want to travel the world :)
go on a trip to somewhere, anywhere.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

beauty that refreshes


we were saying we could photoshop some sheep into this picture and go on to say we went to New Zealand :)
Took a trip with the family (minus Yew Meng, tambah Jack) and went to Janda Baik to visit Kok Onn. The place there is pretty amazing - simple and beautiful :) I like!

Travel bunch :)
Our intended trip was a camping trip (sleeping in tents, start a camp fire and roast marshmallows, swim in the cold river, eat canned food kind of thing). But plans changed and we decided on a little more comfort. But we still did a bit of the intended. :)

Swim in the cold river - checked!
Swimming against the current was pretty fun and entertaining :D
Start a camp fire - checked!
No marshmallows though :\
Instead we used the fire to dry ourselves :P
That night, while Kok Onn and Yew Kong went into the jungles to catch lizards, Jack, Yew Leung and I took  the poncho, laid it on the ground and spent a good two hours on our backs looking up at the stars. There were so many many many of them - uncountable!

We believe we found the Big Dipper, Small Dipper and Orion's Belt (and Orion who is very tegap!) but after google-ing about them, I have my doubts :P haha. We tried to find the North Star and assumed we found it. We also saw a shooting star flash past us. Other than that, we munched on tiger biscuits and drank mineral water. There were one or two kelip-kelips in the nearby tree.

The beauty of God's creation is simply amazing. The creation reflects the Creator :) And indeed it echoes in my heart, "Who am I that the Creator is mindful of me?" and with that I am filled with thanks and gratitude that He is mindful of me and He does care for me.

And this beauty refreshes me.
(or maybe it was the cold river water's effect)

When I consider Your heavens,
the work of Your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which You have set in place,
what is man that You are mindful of him,
the son of man that You care for him?
Psalm 8:3-4

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Take Time

Take time to laugh
It is the music of the soul.

Take time to think
It is the source of power.

Take time to play
It is the source of perpetual youth.

Take time to read
It is the fountain of wisdom.

Take time to pray
It is the greatest power on earth.

Take time to love and be loved
It is a God-given privilege.

Take time to be friendly
It is the road to happiness.

Take time to give
It is too short a day to be selfish.

Take time to work
It is the price of success.

-Author unknown-

Found this beautiful poem as I was writing in the FES journal Swee Kit gave me. They've got some pretty interesting writings in there. This was in the section of "What Would You Do If You Were Given A 2nd Chance To Relive Your Campus Life Again?" Reminds me of how my time in uni is limited and I must make the best of every opportunity here in campus. Daddy's in that section too :) His picture so handsome *bangga* hee. :D

Was just reflecting and writing down my four months of holidays and the things I've been through. It's been an amazing journey and experience. Can't believe my holidays are coming to an end :\ Noooooo... Time flies.

Take time and use it wisely. Time is precious.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

something about faith

Just wanted to share something I got when I read Matthew 8 recently. 

Matthew 8 is divided into six parts, and in each of these six parts we can learn a little something about our faith in Christ.

Matthew 8

The Man With Leprosy (Matthew 8:1-4) – Will

1When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. 2A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”
3Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cured of his leprosy. 4Then Jesus said to him, “See that you don’t tell anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”

The first thing about faith is that it must be in God’s will. The man with leprosy came before Jesus and acknowledged that it was only by Jesus’ will that he would be healed. Likewise, we must not come barging into God’s throne room demanding and asking Him to approve and answer our wills. Instead, we should pray like Jesus prayed, “Yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

And as we pray and read His Word, we begin to realize and find out what God’s will is. Our thoughts and perspectives will slowly change as we continue to seek after His will. 

The Faith of the Centurion (Matthew 8:5-13) – Word

5When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6“Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering.”
7Jesus said to him, “I will go and heal him.”
8The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their placed at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
13Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that very hour.

The centurion’s faith was honoured by Jesus because he had faith in the power of the word of Christ and he had faith in the authority of Christ. The Word of God is as alive today as it has been 2000 years ago. God is still the King of kings and the Lord of lords, the one with the highest authority. Let’s begin to build our faiths on the foundation of His Word and believe in the power of His word.

But may we be always mindful of the will of God. We see that it wasn’t just blind faith the centurion had, but he too adhered to the will of Jesus. In verse 7, Jesus says that He will go and heal the centurion’s servant. And in verse 13, His Word comes to past. Indeed, His Word will come to past!

Jesus Heals Many (Matthew 8:14-17) – Works

14When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. 15He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him.
16When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick. 17This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: “He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases.”

The thing that really struck me as I read this part was how Jesus did not just stop at teaching and speaking with words, but He went on to fulfil the Words through His life, through His actions. He healed the sick, He did something. ‘Works’ were part of His ministry. He was practical.

These past few months, of being exposed to so many different kinds of needs around me, I am reminded to be practical as well as prayerful about the many needs. We cannot just pray for the poor hungry people that they will be fed and hope food falls from the sky for them. We need to do something. Indeed, faith without works is dead.

The Cost of Following Jesus (Matthew 8:18-22) – Worth It

18When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.”
20Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
21Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
22But Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

Is God worth it? At certain points in our Christian walk, this question is bound to come up. Is God worth giving up my home? My nine to five job? My securities? My comfort? Is He really worth it? Many times we make it all about ourselves but really this whole life, is for God. What are our lives but just a tiny dot in eternity. And as I slowly discover my faith, I believe God is worth it. He is worth more than I could ever imagine. And as I trust in Him, the risks I take are worth it. Obeying Him is worth it. Faith and following Him at times brings me to circumstances when I can’t have my way. But that’s okay, because I know what He is leading me to is worth it. But this is a question, each person has to answer on their own, according to their own convictions.

Jesus Calms the Storm (Matthew 8:23-27) – Winds, Waves and Worries

23Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. 24Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. 25The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
26He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
27The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

Looking back at verse 18, we know that it was Jesus who gave the orders to cross over to the other side of the lake. And as follows, His disciples got into the boat with Him. Suddenly, they were hit by a furious storm which threw them into despair. But with Christ in the vessel, they were saved.

Many times, when God asks us to do something, there may come certain difficulties and struggles, winds and waves. And many times, these winds and waves can get really really overwhelming. But as our faith grows, as we remember God’s faithfulness and power in our lives, may we also always remember and acknowledge that our God is with us, and He is able to rebuke the winds and waves in our lives and calm the storms. Completely calm, perfect peace. Worries will come along the way, Jesus did not promise a smooth journey BUT (thank God for ‘but’s) He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. And He is far greater than the winds and waves in our lives.

The Healing of Two Demon-possessed Men (Matthew 8:28-34) – Wins

28When he arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. 29“What do you want with us, Son of God?” they shouted. “Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?”
30Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. 31The demons begged Jesus, “If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”
32He said to them, “Go!” So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank and into the lake and died in the water. 33Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.

The part of this last few verses that struck me was that of verse 29, where the demons knew Jesus had power and authority over them and in God’s time, they were doomed. God always wins. At the end of the day, He is and will be victorious. So, whose side will you choose to stand on? Our faith is not a hopeless airy belief, it is based on truth and based on a God who is victorious, who always wins at the end of the day.

My faith is not all of that, my faith is still very very small. But I pray that as I continue to journey with Christ, my faith in Him will grow.

As of now, I know that this faith, this following Him, is worth it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

favor

For He says, 
"In the time of My favor I heard you, 
and in the day of salvation I helped you."
I tell you, now is the time of God's favor and now is the day of salvation.
2 Corinthians 6:2

I asked God for favor,
and favor He granted me.
Thank You, Lord.

Monday, August 15, 2011

these rainy days

have been back in campus since Wednesday. and have been going through lots of talks and sessions for this whole PM (Pembantu Mahasiswa/ Orientation Helpers) thing. last phase and then it’s the real thing – Orientation Week Disappointed smile

and through it all, i’ve actually learned quite a lot. well, much more than i expected.

i went for half of a course called “Energise and Be Energised” in replacement of a friend. although it was very very very, i say again, very brain draining, i did gain valuable insights. i was encouraged to see students from all kinds of backgrounds come together, talk, discuss and exchange views. we had to go deep into eight of the core values of Universiti Malaya. kind of like a moral class but which forced us to think practical not just the nice sounding moral-ish answers.

apart from that, a little something happened which reminded me that every opportunity must be stretched out for (it’s like i just came back from a motivational talk) but sad to say, i learned this through letting an opportunity pass and really regretting it after. it was a chance to speak up but i remained silent Sad smile it wasn’t a big thing, but it was a chance. i’m asking God to grant me the courage to speak truth and the wisdom to speak it in love.

been listening to some sermons which Gloria sent to me. two have been very impactful – one on Unity by Nicky Gumbel and the other on Leadership by John C. Maxwell. both have caused me to reflect and repent from parts of my life that have been pretty off target from God’s aim. need to start investing my time in the right things now.

everyday, i look at myself and i wonder what does God see in me? i am so inadequate in so many areas, i’m so inconsistent, i have so many insecurities and fears and yet, everyday He brings me through. He gives me chance after chance after chance (i think i’ve long passed my second chance).

everyday, i get by and i know it is only by His grace and His power.

thank You, God. may You be seen in my life by the people around me.

 

You are my strength when I am weak.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

be careful what you say

the thing about people nowadays (me included) is that we’re not very careful with our words.

i remember when we were younger, “stupid” would get you into trouble. we were taught that it was a bad bad word and we were not to say it. but these days, we use “stupid” so carelessly. stupid this, stupid that. we use it for situations, people, things, etc.

i remember i used to struggle with maths when i was in standard 6 and once i said out of frustration “i hate maths!” my mom reprimanded me for using the word “hate” because she said it was a strong word that should not simply be used. i agree. yet today, i just have to take a look at facebook and i get to read all kinds of “i hate’s” on people’s statuses. in my opinion, “hate” is a very strong and destructive word.

well on the other hand, i think the meaning of the word “love” has been terribly misconstrued too. twisted, downgraded and misused. in its essence, “love” is such a beautiful and powerful word. however, it is used so lightly and simply these days. i myself have been guilty of this ‘sweet talk’ and because of that have hurt others and have been hurt by it too. i think many times  we don’t really understand the meaning of “love” when we use it. how can you say you love someone and a few months down the line that love just disappears or worse, turns into hate.

are we saying things we do not mean?

saying things we may regret in time?

are we saying things that hurt others?

are we saying things simply because we feel like it without thinking through its consequences?

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
- James 3:9-10

Lord, forgive me for the things i have said that i should not have. Grant me Your wisdom and guard my lips that the words i speak will be careful and glorifying unto You. Help me to only say what i mean but to also think through the consequences of my words. Keep my heart close to Yours because out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

God bless, everything is God blessed.

Ask her about God’s goodness in her life and she will tell you about how God blessed her with a job as a clerk even though she had no qualifications whatsoever. She’ll tell you about how God provided for her children’s educations. And throughout her testimony she’ll say several times, “God bless, everything is God blessed.” And she always assured me God will provide.

I’ll remember her waiting up for me or my brothers when we were out late. She always disapproved of us going out and sleeping late. A few days back, she told me not to come home so late because it was dangerous, for girls especially. She always cared, always loved. I thank God for her life which has blessed mine.
"God bless, everything is God blessed."

yew leung and mah-mah :)

Mah-mah (my grandma) passed away today at 3.30pm. Passed away peacefully with almost all her children and grandchildren around her. As she breathed her last, we each said our goodbye’s and i love you’s to her. She has gone to heaven and one day, I’ll meet her there. We’re okay with letting her go, we just miss her very much. ♥

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

fragile

read about the horrible killings in Oslo, Norway. one gunman beckoning his victims and then shooting them. 76 lives lost just like that. 

the train which derailed in China, killing at least 39 people.

a friend got into a really bad motorbike accident and is hospitalized with a broken leg, a broken arm and a fractured jaw.

my grandmother has been really weak and tired this past week :( i love my mah-mah.

--

life's fragile. one moment here, next moment gone. the closer the people are, the more painful.

just watched two super action packed movies these past two days - Hanna and Captain America. and after watching, it's as if people are just there to be shot at, killed, etc. as if lives don't really matter. okay, so they're just movies. but think about it, after watching so much of these kind of movies, are we becoming more and more desensitized towards the taking of lives? have we come to adopt the "if it's not me, it's fine" attitude. just a thought.

this past week, the whole theme of the fragility of life has been on my mind. morbid, yes. but it also makes you question, what would you do before you lost someone or before you yourself died? makes you appreciate the  lives around you more. makes you want to not have anything to regret, whether it's in words or deeds. 

yet, i will still trust that life and it's timings are in God's hands. like the case of Daniel in the lions' den and like Shadrach, Meshach and Abenego in the fiery furnace. i believe God is able to keep us from death till our time is up and even then, it is a continuation of life eternal and a beginning to a new life with Christ. 

i trust God in His timings and His plans.
as for me, i will live this life for Him. 
live a life that i am prepared to leave when He calls. 
live a life of faith, hope and love. 

Sunday, July 17, 2011

heart breaking truth :(

when i watched this video, it broke my heart. but the next thing that came to me was what my Lord Jesus said on the cross.
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” –Luke 23:34
God, help me to still look at them through your eyes, despite what i see here. And grant me wisdom to respond in love.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

one out of ten - 1/10

today, i woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. i wasn’t prepared for the week. i’d just learned the night before that i had to fill up lots of forms along with getting signatures, validations and whatnots and i had to send them back by this coming wednesday.

i was to go back to uni but i wasn’t sure at what time Disappointed smile so i figured, early morning was the safest. i hadn’t packed yet.

everything seemed so disastrous. timings couldn’t have been worse. but the day went on still.

as it went on, it got better bit by bit. i found out i only needed to get back to college by 9pm which granted me a full day to finish up my forms.

was getting pretty stressed doing the forms. i thank God that my family members were very supportive and helpful throughout Secret telling smile  called the people in charge and they said there was a short grace period for the dateline. that piece of information was such a relief! (i’m still going to try to get it all done by tomorrow!)

and at the end of the day, i was just so thankful for how God brought me through the day. this passage from Luke 17:11-19 stuck with me throughout the day too.

Ten Healed of Leprosy (Luke 17:11-19)

11 Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus travelled along the border between Samaria and Galilee.
12 As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance
13 and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”
14 When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.
15
One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.
16He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him–and he was a Samaritan.
17Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?
18Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?”
19Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

i want to be like that man who came back to Jesus full of praise and thanksgiving. i want to be that one out of ten. and today was just that; a day that got better as it went along. i was constantly reminded to keep going back to God in thanks. Smile

thank you, Lord. ♥
and thank you for what happened on 9th July 2011, Saturday.
you were right when you gave the words “unity” and “love for Malaysia.” indeed we saw the breaking down of barriers to stand together for what is right. continue to cause my heart to love my country and its people even more. thank you for Malaysia.

there’s still more to come! Flirt male

Monday, July 4, 2011

BERSIH 2.0


two people in my life.

one says, "this whole thing is no good. it'll go up in flames. it's a recipe for disaster. what's the point of it? what are they trying to prove by doing this? no, we should not support this."

the other says "no, we must support this. the people are uniting to stand up for what is right, what will you do? for too long we've complained and not done anything, we talk a lot but when it comes to actually doing something, we sit back and say 'i'm going to play it safe, better not get involved'. no, we must support this together."

don't let your fear, pride, ignorance or indifference hold you back from doing something and being part of something that is right. 

BERSIH 2.0 - The Coalition For Clean and Fair Elections


i support this.
why?
because i love Malaysia.
and it's time for us to unite and stand for what is right.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

outside my palace walls

i sat on the steps, facing the blank wall which went around the compounds of Kuala Lumpur Gospel Hall (KLGH). that wall was tall, tall enough so that i could not see what was on the other side even when i stood at the top of those steps.

it was like that wall separated two worlds: the peaceful church grounds and the broken world outside on the streets of KL.

i sat there reflecting for a bit on the things i’d been exposed to the past few days; the refugees, the poor, the homeless. i thought about how we found it so irksome that the water got cut off before we could finish washing up the dishes, when clean running water was something many who were poor had no access to. the irony.

i thought about how my life was so comfortable. the roof over my head, the love of family and friends, more than enough food on our tables, pocket money i did not have to slave for, gadgets, the list goes on. my comfortable palace.

that morning’s devotion was about Queen Esther and what Mordecai said to her, “Don’t think for a moment that you will escape there in the palace when all other Jews are killed.” (Esther 4:13)  it was a message from Mordecai to not be indifferent to what happened outside those walls because it would affect her too. it was about how Esther was in a place of comfort yet she still had a role to play in saving the people outside of her palace.

i am 21 years old. all my life i’ve been sheltered, loved and cared for, protected. i’ve never had to fight for food or runaway for my life. but i need to remember, ‘it could be me’.

i thought to myself how ignorant and indifferent i had been to everything around me. SWEEP really opened my eyes. the real world was a very broken one.

i sat on the steps, the high walls before me.

picture from http://weheartit.com/entry/11076207

picture taken from http://weheartit.com/entry/11076207

have i built walls around me that keep the unpleasant things of the world out of sight? that cause me not to see, not to know the pain behind these walls?

Lord, tear down these walls I’ve built.
Take me outside of these palace walls.
Use me in this broken world,
to make a difference – one life at a time.

SWEEP : Social Work Exposure & Embracement Program 2011 (6th-19th June 2011)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

priceless

the past one month plus since exams ended have been very eventful. starting with three weeks spent with the other PP’s (Pembantu Pelajar) otherwise know as orientation helpers.

the experience and relationships built were simply priceless and so very precious.

the first week of training was one that was bitter sweet. i remember asking if i had made the right decision to spend my holidays doing this. and i remember clearly what God said, “Give it your best.” Smile

i remember the late nights and early mornings. the constant soundings the seniors gave us. but we got through that and it taught us all to work together as a team and our friendships grew stronger.

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the outdoor camp, for me, was when everyone really bonded, helped and aided each other. being thrown into a whole new environment was really great to help us learn that we needed each other. some were better in this and some were better in that. in the end, we all came together as one. Open-mouthed smile

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the second week was our gerak kerja week. lots of work and preparations to be done for the coming orientation week. it was a lot more chilled and laid back as compared to the training week. and the amount of choki choki we consumed is mad! did a lot of dancing and cheering that week too. oh, i sprained my ankle too Sad smile and had to go to a chinese doctor who rubbed and pulled it. i almost lost my purse too in all the drama but thank God for kind hearted people who found it and returned it Open-mouthed smile.

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as for orientation week, i was only there for half the week. cause i had a flight to Bali. but for the first half, it was a lot of early mornings and late nights again. and there was a lot a lot of students to handle! can’t remember but if i’m not wrong 900+? the hall was packed like a sardine can. didn’t really get to know many of them as i left pretty early. but the little bits of orientation that i was involved in, i enjoyed very much. oh, and i was part of the Biro Kesenian (or was it Kebudayaan?).

the PP’s also had a trip to langkawi after orientation week. unfortunately, it clashed with SWEEP 2011. (which will be another story to tell Smile)

we’ll be having another orientation coming up when the undergraduates come in in september. let’s see how that goes.

these people, memories and experiences were simply priceless. and i really thank God for allowing our paths to cross. I thank God for telling me to give it my best from the start and that truly gave the whole thing a lot of meaning and purpose.

love you all banyak-banyak Smile *HUGS*

Thursday, May 12, 2011

endure, enduring, endured, endures, endurance, end.

what i’ve learned over the past two semesters of my first year in uni…LOTS!

i’ve learned to endure hardships and that hardships are a form of discipline from the one who loves me.

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
-Hebrews 12:7

i’ve learned that i must continue enduring whatever comes my way and that God will give me the strength i need and because it builds faith and love for one another.

i’ve learned that i’ve endured a lot of consequences from my last minuteness and lousy management skills. i must learn from that.

i’ve learned that despite it all, God’s love endures forever. Red heart

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
His love endures forever.

-Psalm 136:1
and this is my hope to keep on enduring - Him who endured it all for me.
2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful man, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
-Hebrews 13:2-3

i’ve learned that endurance is more than just sticking through something. it’s what keeps you going, pressing forward, persevering when everything is coming against you from every direction. endurance is what carries you to the end, to the finishing line.
endure, until the end.

*notice i’m doing a little alphabet challenge here on my own? Open-mouthed smile
coming up: F! i’m thinking maybe something on faith? forgiveness? friends? future? failures? feelings? or maybe, facebook? Flirt male

Thursday, May 5, 2011

storycorps

storycorps was introduced to me by Yew Kong. and i remember watching this video and tearing in front of my brother Yew Meng who then teased me for crying :(



I couldn't remember what was the name of their youtube channel and could not find it for myself after that. today, it was at the side of my youtube window and i watched a few and i watched the one above again and - cried. haha. such a emo girl :|

i'm sharing with you cause it's touching. go watch the rest. :)





ducks

12th college is doing some work on the ponds we have between the girls’ and guys’ hostel blocks. And the best thing about that is they’ve added some ducks and geese to the pond too! Smile 

Li Fen and I decided to go for a walk around the pond after lunch to see the new pets our college has. And she said, “12th college is like a farm now.” Flirt male We’ve got cats, chickens, a rooster, and now ducks and geese!

`I’ll try to get some pictures of the ducks and geese.

There are four brown ducks and they always stick together. Always. They swim together, wade about together, clean themselves together.

And then there’s about seven white geese. They stick together too but not as much as the ducks. They’re super adorable when crossing the wooden plank. Hop hop hop.

But the ducks and the geese don’t mix with each other. I’m not sure why.

Okay, just some random rants at midnight about life here in uni. One more paper and then I’m done with first year! Open-mouthed smile

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

consistency

life has not been consistent. nopes. it fluctuates. it depends on the activities and on the things i have to do. sometimes i'm super duper free and chilled, other times you see me running about with lack of sleep written all over my face.

sleeping time is not consistent, eating times are not consistent, social life also not consistent.

sad to say, my walk with God has not been very consistent either in the midst of my busy mess. :(

looking back at my 7 months break before entering uni and also at my journal, i realized how much more time i had spent with God and on journaling things that were important. and looking back, i'm glad i journaled because on hindsight i've seen God's faithfulness and His consistency in my life.

in the past few months, my journal's been pretty inconsistent too :( there's been a lot of things missed out. lots of struggles, lots of pains, lots of joys, lots of praise, a lot of things – unwritten.

at the end of 2010, the words that God had spoken over and over to me was to be courageous and committed to the things He calls me to, to finish up what He gives to me and not to get distracted halfway.

stepped into 2011, and *whoosh* after a few weeks i was barely able to keep my head above the water. i let a lot of things distract me.

so, as of now, i’m trying to get back my consistency and momentum in this journey. and part of that is journaling and reading back, so that i will remember the things God has spoken to me.

i know it is true, that if i don’t learn to be consistent in my personal walk with God from now, when i start working or dating or doing something that takes a lot of time…sure habis. :\

God, thank You for Your faithfulness and consistency in my life. Thank You for Your amazing and unchanging love that still reaches out to me even when I’ve been so unfaithful and inconsistent in the things You’ve given to me. I’m so sorry I’ve let You down so many times and I’m so sorry for all the broken promises I’ve made. God, thank You for Your grace and mercy and Your second, third, fourth chances You’ve given me. And at the end of the day, I pray I will be like the good and faithful servant in the Parable of the Talents who invested and put to work the talents You’ve given to me. Teach me and guide me, Lord.

and should everything in my life become inconsistent and crazy, i pray that there would still be the one constant consistency in my life – God.

Monday, May 2, 2011

busted

today, i helped my mom dye her hair. it was fun cause we both had no idea how to do it with any proper systems, whether it’s from up to down or down to up, side to side. i don’t know. i just spread and combed through her hair with the dye.

because her hair was short and we had mixed the whole bottle of dye, we decided to dye my hair too. though i think there won’t be much difference as the colour is pretty dark (macam the first time i dyed my hair. super fail Eye rolling smile)

and as she spread the dye through my hair and tilted my head to the left, she said in shock, “Eh, why got earing here wan?! Since when you poke?”

uh oh. busted. Disappointed smile 

i pierced my right helix in february and up till now, my parents have been pretty oblivious to it. hmm.

but mum’s ok with it, i guess. there was no further comment.
just, “Thanks for helping me dye my hair.” Flirt male

Sunday, May 1, 2011

anguish

Please just take some time to watch this video.



Anguish means extreme pain and distress.
The emotion so stirred that it becomes painful.

Yew Meng shared this video in church with us today during our 9AM prayer. Watching it the second time at the end of the church service really broke my heart and left me in tears. There is so much truth in that video. I remembered the times when I knew and felt God's anguish for the church, for His people, for Malaysia. Somehow, along the way I let go of it pursuing my own happiness, my own agendas. Along the way, I grew comfortable. Anguish was replaced by complacency.

I am so sorry, God.

I am not what I was, I am not where I am supposed to be. 
God, I don't have Your heart or Your burden.

God, I'm coming back to you.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
O God, anguish.

Many times, it's the truth that we need to hear. The truth may be painful but it is what also breaks us and convicts us. And though it may hurt, the truth is far better than the lies and denials that destroy us bit by bit without us realizing it. God, cause me to listen to Your truths and to walk and live in truth.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

another rainy day

loveliest weather we've had in days,
sun shining down in warm golden rays

this was true just hours ago when i was walking to the swimming pool Eye rolling smile ah well. it’s raining again. and i’m sitting at my balcony, looking at the rain. it’s beautiful Smile

two papers down, three more to go.

at the end of that, it’ll mean that my first year in uni is done.

*takes a moment to let that sink*

I FINISH MY FIRST YEAR IN UNI!
NO MORE THE BLUR SESAT JUNIOR.
NO LONGER IN THE “RED DOT” CATEGORY Winking smile *joanne
NO MORE THE ONE BEING LOOKED OUT FOR.

my adventure here in uni will continue to progress Open-mouthed smile i’m excited! for all God has in store.

three more years to go. this is my prayer:

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12


rain is stopping. off to dinner. and then back to studying.

i have to remind myself; i’m not actually done with first year yet. i’ve still got my finals to finish up Eye rolling smile

toodles.

Friday, April 22, 2011

rainfall

so today i was studying in the library and i usually walk over to the big windows on the third floor when i need a change from looking at the blank walls. there's green grass and trees to look at from there, the blue cloudy skies on sunny days and most importantly, the warmth you get when you touch the glass.

there's also the main road where the cars all go in one direction and it's pretty interesting watching the people get in and out of the cars when they're not supposed to be stopping on that road. it's a different story when you're the one driving on that road and someone stops in front of you to let their passengers off. i get irritated most times :\ funny how when you're looking from that window it doesn't irritate you, instead it's amusing. funny what a change in perspective can do.

but today, it rained super duper heavily in the evening. thunder, lightning, strong winds and huge drops of rain. my window lost its warmth. and i just sat there watching the rain fall, watching the drops roll down the window. and i noticed the window leaks somewhere, cause the frame was slightly wet on the inside. just a  thought.

the rain, depicted precisely what i'd been feeling. :(
*this is turning into a gila emo post. which is rare, since i usually don't write gila emo posts.
i shall elaborate no further.

at first, i was pretty disappointed. why did it have to rain? it spoiled some dinner plans we had, i had no umbrella, i was stuck in the North Pole of UM, i was really hungry and really cold. awesome. i really wanted to say, "it's not fair!" but something in me said, "God knows best."

God knows best. dinner was postponed. the rained paused to a drizzle for a while so that i could walk over to the bus stop quickly. the bus came after some time, nevertheless at least it came. i got out of the North Pole back to the other side of UM where i stay. i went straight for dinner, bumped into some friends and had good company for dinner. i think i ate too much :\ i got back to my room and died on the bed for a few hours.

i am reminded, unlike weather changes, God still remains and is unchanging. He still cares, He still understands, He still knows what is best.

i think i'm pretty sick of the library for now. it's too cold and too crowded, and i'm such a complainer. terrible.

finals start next week, God still remains. yay!

Monday, April 18, 2011

nothing can separate


No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  
Romans 8:37-39
when all is uncertain,
hold on to what is unchanging.

You are unchanging, everlasting,
the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

and therefore,
my hope in You is certain.

i love you.

Monday, April 4, 2011

twentyone

i had a lovely birthday Smile thank you very much to all who made it happen and all the wishes here there and everywhere. i am blessed.
most memorable bits and pieces of it…
  1. the singing group at my door at 12am Open-mouthed smile -thank you, lydia, ruth vinoth, emily tang, jun ling and sandra.
  2. reading a letter i wrote to myself when i was 14 years old. Email it said on the front: To Lee Wai Yan, read on your 21st birthday. Jesus Loves You.
  3. McDonald’s breakfast at 4am to celebrate my birthday with 14 others. Sleepy smile i was in my zombie mode. –i am so grateful for friends who are willing to get up (or not sleep until) such an hour just to have McD’s together Flirt male
  4. my class singing ‘Happy Birthday’ for me Open-mouthed smile hee.
  5. i got free lunch Open-mouthed smile and also a free compartmentalized container too!
  6. one class getting cancelled and so i could finish up another assignment due that day. Nerd smile thank you, God.
  7. bible study – i learnt about Christian unity. though i was a bit sleepy due to the 4am breakfast.
  8. mamak and swensen’s ice cream after that Red heart such a surprise, the ice cream was! thank you mima Smile us girls were so grateful and excited.
  9. phone call all the way from australia Call me –miss you, veili!
  10. i rode a motorbike after a long time. Smile with tongue out thank you, bestfriend for letting me ride the bike.  hee.
  11. all the gifts and cards and notes i got Smile 
i say it again, i am blessed. thank you, God.

so, twenty one years old. what have i achieved and where am i heading to? there’s a lot to think about there. as of now, i’m going to do my best for God where i am now. throughout the years, i’ve learned to love a little more, hope a little more and have a little more faith. and God has been teaching me a lot, though i may not be a good student at times Sad smile i’ve come to know my worth in God’s eyes and how precious i am to Him. i’ve discovered my heart a little bit more and have dealt with broken bits and pieces here and there. it’s beautiful how when God begins to come into our lives, He heals and restores. indeed, He makes everything beautiful in His time. i am still learning and growing in this walk. i still struggle, i still get disappointed and discouraged, i still cry. i still am human and i still make mistakes (lots of them :| ) but God still loves me – and that gives me hope.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
like i’ve said before,
in my life, i want to have more faith, more hope and more love Red heart
have a nice day. thank you again :)

also, this is my 100th post! *throws confetti in the air* :) hee. took me super duper long to get here ok!