Monday, December 31, 2012

it never gives up

final day of twentytwelve. wow.

as i look back, i see His steadfast love always always in my life. i don't have to look very far back, the previous few days is enough to remind me that God knows me inside out - my gifts, my strengths, my weaknesses, my failures and flaws, my hurts, my struggles, my needs, my desires, my imperfections, my beauty (which sometimes i don't see it), my everything - and despite the whole mumbo jumbo and complicated intricacies of what makes me waiyan, He still loves me. i've been using this word over and over again - humbled.

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me
One Thing Remains (Jesus Culture)

i think one thing about loving people is taking time to figure them out, taking the time to know them and even in the midst of not understanding, staying beside them while they try to do that. Ernest does a lot of this with me. i feel like i'm going through another bout of identity crisis -.- and i'm already twenty-two! oh gosh. haha. it scares me a lot of times, being so unsure and confused about who i am. i'm not usually like that, but things happen that make you stop and wonder, why?

i find it such an amazing thing how God always assures me of who i am in Him when i come to Him with my load of questions and searches. like in the midst of not understanding, He reminds me with a rainbow that He loves me unconditionally. He speaks to me through His word and as we pray. He reminds me of His promises and covenants and gives me new ones. it's a love that is beyond me. beyond my very minute human comprehension. it's perfect.

Ernest and i have got a long way to go. our love will never be perfect cause we're both human and fallen, but we rest assured knowing our God is sovereign and above all. and may we learn to love each other like how the Bible teaches us to love, not the way chick flicks and romantic movies, secular music, Nicholas Spark books portray love to be. :P those are really idealistic and unreal examples to take for your love life, just saayingg. and plus, the kingdom of God and what is eternal is far more important than just the two of us. like we always say, we're part of God's bigger picture.

i pray that in the new year to come, i will invest my life and my love in the eternal things of God :) it's worth it. and not with my own imperfect and inadequate human love, but i pray that my source to love others will be from God. that He will teach me to love like how He loves.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Thank You, God, for loving me. I love You.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

grace upon grace

i survived week fourteen! praise the Lord and all glory to God :)

my last assignment was handed up by 5pm on friday :) it was quite a mad week with all the deadlines and procrastinated work coming all at once. self-inflicted stress though, i should have started on them assignments earlier :\ i always say that. *sigh*

i really thank God for the encouragement, care and love He brought through the various people in my life. couldn't have done it without the help and support from them. Deborah for praying with me daily, Lydia for super fast internet (hehe) and her love to us, Joyce for her smses, Ernest for always being there, Shalini who loved me throughout our tough times with our coursework, Elaine for praying, Timothy for the small gestures that showed his concern, and many more others :) 

i really felt so blessed throughout the week and to reach the end alive, i am thankful. my body gave in to the lack of rest pretty soon after that and i am just thankful not before i finished week fourteen. came down with quite a bad case of food poisoning :( which isn't good because of all the christmas dinners we've been having :|

but this year, i am really thankful for the people in my life. i think that was my lesson most of the time this year. of how i've taken a lot of my relationships for granted, how i could be a better friend, sister, daughter to others, how i need to be more sensitive and loving to people. i am just struck, amazed and humbled by the grace and second chances i've been shown and given cause i really really don't deserve it. 

christmas this year has been meaningful. i'm not caught up with doing a lot. wasn't involved in any performances or caroling in church, wasn't doing decorations or helping out with christmas parties, didn't have the time to shop and wrap gifts for everyone either. in short, it wasn't christmas like the usual years but it felt warm as i spent time with loved ones. didn't spend it with many many many people, just a handful of people who i loved and who loved me. and that made my christmas meaningful and warm. 

and over and over, i am reminded of the true meaning of christmas. Jesus Christ coming to save a world from sin. He didn't have to, but He did because He loved each person. He loved us and so He came down to be with us. Immanuel - God with us. we never deserved it, but He still chose to love. that grace and love humbles me, i want to have such a love towards others because i've experienced it in my life.

so much ramblings from me. i'll try to put up more pictures soon but anyway, 
blessed christmas!

The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, 
and they will call him Immanuel (which means "God with us").
Matthew 1:23

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


Finished my old journal and am beginning a new one :)
There's something about starting new journals that I love. It's like having a fresh start. It always feels like there is something hopeful and exciting in store. But I'm sure that along the way, life's truths along with its fair share of heartaches, prayers and praises, will be the stories written on these pages. As I read back on the things penned in my previous journals, I am just so amazed by how real God is in my life. And as I continue to journal bits and pieces of my life, I thank God that He is the great author of my life story who is still working on my unfinished story :) I am excited for the journeys and adventures that are to come knowing that my life is in His keeping. 

The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
Psalm 121:8

May you, wherever you are, experience great adventures and wonderful journeys with God :) goodnight!

Monday, December 10, 2012

lay down my pride

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. 
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility towards one another, because,
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
1 Peter 5:5

The weekend hasn't been the best :\ I struggled with a lot of unpleasant emotions towards others and myself. I didn't understand and when I asked God, there didn't seem to come relief. I was tired, broken, defeated and still very bitter towards certain people around me. I really didn't like me :(

Then it dawned upon me on the dawn of Monday (heehee :P), I struggled because of my pride. I found it so hard to say I was sorry and admit that I was wrong because I wanted to be right. I wanted others to acknowledge that I was right, and when they didn't, it upset me.

Pride only breeds quarrels, 
but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Proverbs 13:10

I look back on the situations, and I regret. I'm sorry for being rude and cold. I'm sorry for hurting the people around me, for distancing myself from others, not giving anyone a chance to understand. I really want to change my ways and my attitude, I want to be a humble person. A person who is brave and courageous enough to lay down my pride and give up my rights.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7

Because I have a God who is mighty and sovereign, I know that as I humble my life before Him, He will take care of me. I don't have to fight for my rights or strive to gain achievements and glory for myself, I don't have to have things in my life to boast about. I don't have to worry or fear if I'll be enough or have enough in this world. At the end of the day, I have nothing in my life that is not God given. And even then, my greatest treasure is God. :)

Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance now and always;
Thou and thou only first in my heart;
High King of Heaven my treasure thou art.

May my life from here on be one that pleases God and that gives glory and praise unto Him. May it be one that is marked with humility and that is not proud. May I be one who lives for God. 

Wai Yan, remember:
God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

mad weekend into december

not like we have snow or white christmas-es here in malaysia. but, this picture is beautiful :)

it's been an amazing week and weekend. helped Charity a bit for Christmas Tapestry the preparations and the shows on Friday and Saturday night :) which was lovely! it was quite a new experience for me and i learned a lot. the people involved, singers, musicians, technical crew, were all so humble and friendly and very helpful to this girl who has never dabbled in a production before.

Tapestry doing their thing :)
i also met the cutest kids during one of the practices - Douglas and Lucas :) it was pretty alright until the boys started to have disagreements over their dad's ipad and then my laptop. :\

this was lucas and i entertaining ourselves while the singers were practicing.  such a charming kid!
we had softball tournament for SUKMUM on Saturday and Sunday  and we won 3rd place :D i really enjoyed being on the softball team and it was such a great feeling when we won because some of us on the team started with zero idea how the game worked (well, for me at least). apart from that, the support, encouragement and teamwork of the team was really great :) even with my lousy batting, i still felt a part of the team :)

with the 1st College team and umpire for the game :) we love good sports!
i missed the semi-finals softball game though cause i had to run off for the Christmas Tapestry thing on Saturday. wish i could have been at both. but i have no regrets about it lah. next time, i'll just have to be wiser in choosing my commitments. :) i enjoyed both very very very much, don't get me wrong, but it gets tiring having to run here, there and everywhere.

this week, will be a lot of assignments and preparations for PKV's Christmas Caroling :) the coming weeks look very daunting and overwhelming, but i believe and trust that God will bring us through. He is the God who is the creator of all things and who is above all things. I will be still, know You are God.

And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, 
"Peace! Be Still!" 
And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 
Mark 4:39

Christmas is coming! :D