Wednesday, April 25, 2012


“Humility is not thinking lowly of yourself,
it is not thinking about yourself at all.”
– Mr Lian

I’ve still got so much to die to. Lord, I pray less of me and more of You. I know you’re sanctifying and disciplining me so that I’ll be more and more like you and that I may share in Your glorification at the end of it all. I must say, lots of times it’s not easy, I really struggle Sad smile but knowing You do this for my own good and knowing that You are sovereign is what brings me through. I love You, Lord.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.
Romans 8:17

Friday, April 20, 2012

nose blocked thoughts

woke up at 3.00 am from all the discomforts of not being able the breathe through my nose, a horrible tasting dry mouth, bouts of coughing and a slight pain in my abdomen. argh!

i don’t get it a few hours before this i was getting so much better, a few hours later symptoms recur.

but anyway, i’m sick of being sick!

Sickness, be gone! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

love never fails

God never fails. He is sovereign and He knows what is best. And in His way and in His time, all things work out for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose.

It’s not been an easy week. Fell sick and have been in a very sorry shape :\ But one of the hardest and most painful things is that I had to let go of something (someone) I held dear to me, in order for things to get better and even more in accordance to God’s will.

Today at bible study, Mr Lian shared that suffering drives us to God, and when we are driven to God, He grants us grace. And His grace is sufficient for all our needs and circumstances.

I know you’ll read this and I want you to know I miss you a lot. And I also really want you to continue to grow in your faith and to discover and experience God in deeper, more intimate levels. I’ll always be here for you and will support and be a friend to you. Keep going because His love never fails.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus out Lord.
(Romans 8:31-39)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

it always hopes

a thousand questions are running through my mind. is it happening all over again? the whole breakdown, disintegration, dissolve; is it all coming undone?

why can’t i ever get it right? the perfect fairy-tale, movie kind of love. it’s never like that. all those ideals ingrained in me since i was a little girl. those impossible standards.

i remember trying to figure it out at fourteen (too young definitely) and that ended with me realising i didn’t just want a relationship, i wanted a God-centred relationship. and so, i wasn’t just going to go with any boy i fancied and who fancied me. i had it in mind to wait for who God had for me.

even then, i think the standards and ideals increased. they became tedious. some people never understood, sometimes i got a little confused too. :\

the interesting thing was, i always had this instant ambition of getting married, i think it started towards the end of Form 3. ask me what i was going to do after my Form 5, i’d say in a heartbeat, “find a husband!” or “get married!”. ask me what i was hoping to gain during National Service, the answer would be, “a husband!”. the same even through Form 6 and the beginning of university. it was as if husbands were bought from the supermarket or like instant noodles: add hot water and tadaa! a husband!

i’m not sure if it started as a joke and then turned into a deeper longing, or if it was a deeper longing masked as a joke. (CHEHWAH! SO DEEP!)

and so a lot of boys probably got scared away by this desperate girl :\ haha.

(i have no idea why this is all coming out. it’s like a timeline of my failed love life Disappointed smile haha.)

as i “matured” (was still pretty naive and silly, looking back) i thought i would end up with someone older, more matured. the boys my age were still, hmmm. but i soon realised, they took me to be more like a sister. of course, what was i thinking. i had barely seen the world and i couldn’t comprehend their dilemmas and struggles and could neither help or support them. and for me a big part of being together, is going through the thick and the thin, being there in times of despair and hardships as well as sharing the light and joyful moments.

then one day, i met a boy. things progressed, it was fun. waking up excited, knowing you were loved. that was the question joanne asked me, “do you wake up feeling excited?” i did Smile i really thought we would work out. we both served and loved God, talked about our future and made promises to each other. he did quite well on my checklist of standards and ideals.

but after one semester, it broke down. i’m not sure what or why exactly. oh, but that was painful. my very first heartbreak. haha. we agreed we were both still having a lot of growing up to do in our personal faiths and that it was not the time to get together. and then time passed and he said, let’s just go along on separate ways. i said, ok.

i was really confused, lost, broken, disappointed, trying over and over to figure it out. and then when i finally surrendered it to God - peace. God was faithful through it all. when i let my guard down, He still guarded my heart. and for that i am ever grateful.

in time, a lot of things in my life changed. took me twenty-one years to step out of my lovely “palace”. i went for a camp which really shifted my perspectives and opened my eyes, ears and heart to the fact that there was a lot of brokenness in the world around me Sad smile 

and so it changed my life’s direction too. so, now, i added one more thing to my long list of standards and ideals, we needed to be going in the same direction. someone who i would support and serve alongside with in whatever ministry we would be called to. Tough, but not impossible!

i guess if i’d gotten the 3M’s (Master, Mission, Mate) in correct order from the start, it would have saved me a lot of “figuring” it out. First, know God, then know your calling in God, and lastly, you may know your mate. it’s havoc when you mess up the order. i’m going to tell my kids that.

so anyway, back to now. i’m confused :\ again. why? because ideals are faltering and it’s time to get rid of some, but which?

love always hopes

i’m putting my hope first in God, and then in my calling and the ones i am called to reach out to. and i also put my hope in you, in us. even when things seem bleak, unclear, confusing, i will hope.

Red heart

Friday, April 6, 2012

love keeps no record of wrongs

Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified. Sacrificed to pay for the sins of man.

picture taken from here

I know I've not been very consistent with updating on the "Love is..." series. But I couldn't help noticing how timely today's character of love is.

love keeps no record of wrongs

and that was exactly what my Savior Jesus Christ did on the cross, all for love. He kept no record of my wrongs when He laid down His life that I may live in Him. His blood paid the price for my life, He washed me clean from my sins, redeemed me from my wretchedness. by His grace and mercy, I am saved. and now, have life in Him.

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified
-All for Love, Hillsongs

thank you, God.