Friday, December 19, 2008

come back to your first love.

Sayang Camp 2008
15th December - 16th December 2008

according to a friend it's not considered a camp, cause it's only two days and we stay at a friend's place. he says it's a sleepover party. i still say sayang camp is a camp because there's more than twenty people and we have worship and sessions and bbq and all that! :)

i thank God that camp went pretty smoothly, that no one got seriously injured or anything, though there were some people who fell sick after camp, that He gave us great weather during the games and bbq, that He touched and changed our lives. well, He touched mine! :) there so much to thank Him for.

yew kong's message that night was really good. i'm not just putting in a good word just because he is my brother. but i was really inspired and encouraged by the message, he really shared it from his heart. how cf was back then, the people who left legacies behind, and what cf should be about.

you know how along the way, as the years go by, especially in the cf journey, things get lost along the way (passions, visions, purposes, love, relationships, meaning, etc.) and we pick up other things along the way. and then we feel it's all so meaningless, so dry, we just work out of traditions and because it worked for the years before.

but it's time we stop, and start seeking God for His purpose once again. rewind and look back on what God has done not what we have done. we have to realize it's not what we do, but what God is doing. we need to move according to His direction. we musn't move in our own wisdom and plans, but in His time and His commands.

it's time we come back to God. come back to His love.
understand we need Him, not want Him.

i thank God for sayang camp, thank God for the poeple who came, thank God for His faithfulness and grace.

Lord, thank You for your grace and love.
as you have reminded us of the meaning and purpose of cf,
teach us to be attentive to Your voice and direction.
tecah us to come back to our first love - You.
forgive us for losing sight of You, for chasing after our own goals.
we need You, Lord.

Revelations 2:1-5
“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands:
I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

what a verse to end with. but something we need to ponder and think about. a warning to heed. but our God is a God of second chances.

Let us return to our first love.

Monday, December 15, 2008

i'm scared, so i run

i don't know, i don't know what the future holds.
it's so uncertain. such a blur.

i try to make things better by planning, practicing, preparing.
instead, i should be praying.

next year, next year.
it's going to be exciting, interesting.
but there are things i'm afraid to face.
studies, people, responsibilities, exams, things.

i'm scared, so i run.
i run, i run away from people, away from studies, away from things.
i run but not far enough, not fast enough.

we can never run away forever.

i guess i have to face up to things.

no, i cannot, i must not keep running away.
God doesn't want me to keep running away.

all i need to do is trust Him, allow Him to take it from me.
surrender it all to Him, lay it at His feet.
and listen, listen and obey Him.

“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10

God's telling me to be still. to stop running. to stop taking things into my own hands - planning, practicing and preparing, to stop trusting in my own capabilities and abilities. He's telling me to acknowledge His Greatness, His Majesty, His Holiness, to acknowledge that He is God. God above the nations, above the earth.

truly, because He is God, there is nothing impossible for Him.

what are my little fears compared to Him?

Lord, teach me to be still before You,
to know and be reminded that You are God,
and there is no other like You.
and because You are my God, i have nothing to fear.
My future is in Your hands, You know my needs and You provide.
You love me and
because You love me, i know my security is in You.
I know I belong to You.
Thank You, Lord.
I commit next year into Your hands.
Guide me, light my path.
Draw me close to You.

Friday, December 12, 2008

a promise for the year to come

phew, what a busy month this has been.

camps, holiday trips, shopping, meet ups, yumcha sessions, biology project, practices, church, prayer meetings, tuitions and lots more.

random note: i don't like tuitions during the holidays. yuck!

but despite the busyness, i am enjoying my holidays and i would rather be it like this forever and i never have to go back to school :)


yearight, like that would ever happen.

this holidays, God has been teaching me many many things, reminding me of past lessons, showing me His amazing love and promises, helping me to grow, encouraging me to keep pressing on, and so much more.

and i guess that's more of why i am enjoying this holidays so much.

it's not the activities and stuff to do that's giving me the thrill of holidays, in fact all that get tiring after some time. but it's what God is doing in my life. that's exciting!

i'm so shocked at how super duper fast time flies. the year 2008 is already coming to an end, and pretty soon in comes a whole new year!

i'm already 18 this year! even that is still pretty surprising when i come to think about it.

let's see what God has install for next year :) i am excited!

Dear Lord,
Thank You for bringing me through this year with so much grace and faithfulness.
Thank You for this holidays and all that You've done.
And even as we step into a whole new year, Lord, continue to guide my way and teach my heart to be obedient to Your call.

i love you :)

Isaiah 43:18
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not percieve it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Monday, October 27, 2008

where are we going?

we're so lost.

where are we going?

no map, no compass, no guide.

just a lamp and a shining light for my feet.

i got to trust, i got to trust in You.

Your word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:10

Lord, guide my way.
I trust in You.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

grace amazing takes me home

this has got to be one of the longest weeks of my life.

form 6 is really being very unkind to me :(
okay, i guess it would have been better if i had studied consistently all the while.

exams are finally over! and this isn't even the real deal. next year, next year. ohboyy...

i really felt very very super duper low throughout the exams.

and the results i got back are not excellent, but i can't ask for lots of A+ if i hadn't been studying, right? oh wells. :(

but i know that God has been with me all throughout the exams and i know He'll be with me all the way. He's always been there. :)

Lord, i love you so much!
and i'll wait for You to come rescue me, in Your time.
thanks for Your amazing amazing grace in my life.
Thank You! :)

Saturday, October 11, 2008


yesterday, our church had a Spiritual Formation Weekend. it was to be like a follow up from this year's church camp (which i missed because i was off on my ns adventure).

the speaker, Ps Keith Lai shared on friday night. a summary of what he shared in camp, which was really good because i got to hear a bit of what i missed at camp.

the message was about our spiritual journey with Christ and us being Christ's disciples.
Discipleship is a journey of spiritual formation.

it started of with how many people have lost our delights on this journey. how many are tired. how we end up doing things just for the sake of doing it. how we no longer enjoy the work given to us. and in the end, we just become tired, fatigued, weary and restless, because of the way things are.

this is not what the journey is meant to be like. no no no...

discipleship is a journey that moves us from duty to delight :D
the point is not about fulfilling the duty, or the fruits of our labour, or anything of that sort, but simply to enjoy and experience God through it.

the reason why God asks us to do things like worship Him, obey Him, meditate on His word; is simply so that we can draw close to Him. to know Him and to enjoy Him.

i know it isn't as easy as it sounds. really, it isn't. but it's something we must learn to do because if we don't we'll just end up like pharisees and saducees, all legalistic and rigid, not knowing God but just following rules all out of obligation. this is not how our lives are meant to be. not when God has already paid the ransom for our lives so that we may be called children of God!

that takes us to understanding who we are in Christ. we are God's children.

Ephesians 5:1-2
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

i don't remember what version Ps Keith read from, but the part where we are God's children came before being imitators of Christ. but anyway, the meaning is still the same.

therefore, as dearly beloved children, be imitators of Christ. (i did a little switcheroo there) we need to know that our identity is in God, we need to know it inside first and then our behaviour will confirm our identity.

it's not, do a lot of good things like go to church, do charity, give to the poor, etc. and then only you'll be a child of God. no no no. it's not that way.

it's us being God's beloved children then showing it through our actions in love.

get? :)

i was really encouraged by that. because at times, i just feel that i need to prove myself and do things to please others. or just do things because that's what i'm "supposed" to do.

i am a child of God and He loves me to bits! and i am God's beloved.
and because He loves me, i want to love Him back by living my life for Him. doing the things i do for Him and not for anyone else, not even for myself.

and that was the message for the night.

Father Lord,
thank you for loving me. thank you for calling me your child. thank you for calling me your beloved.
thank you for being my father who watches over me and who forgives me no matter how many times i mess up.
teach me Lord to delight in you.
teach me to live my life for you and to enjoy it.
help me not to do things out of obligations or rules or duties, but teach me to enjoy doing them.
i love you, Father.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

everyday is a new day :)

hello marshmallow :)

it's been super duper long since i've last blogged. well, not like i'm very consistent either. and i just realized that i blog like once a month. but anyway, so much has been happening lately.

the things God is doing and is going to do is simply indescribable and exciting! He has so much install for our country, our churches, our cf, our schools, our lives.

we've had 40 day prayer and fast and also Petaling Jaya Prayer Day (PJPD) with the objective to come together and pray for our nation. it is really exciting. we must start rising up in prayer.

but in the midst of all that excitement, there have been times where i've felt so discouraged and sometimes anxious (don't really know why). anxious in the sense that sometimes i wake up suddenly with my heart beating so fast and a sick feeling in it. i really do not know why. but God has been a source of encouragement and my assurance.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8

everyday, i have hope in the love of God :) and so do you!

Dear Lord,
Thank You for the hope You give us every day.
Thank You for Your unfailing love.
Thank You for the assurance that You are watching over us.
I love You, Lord so much.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

but as for me, i will trust in You

life has been quite a struggle. but it has been a struggle where i know i'm not alone, but where i am assured that God is with me.

life in form 6 is pretty crazy, especially for someone like me. whose time management skills is super bad. help me, Lord.

but of course life is not all that bad. yeah, i may be struggling at the moment, but one thing i've learnt through the struggles i've been through in my life is that in those times of desperation, God is so real and that there is never a situation that's too big for Him to bring us through. such a wonderful hope, yes?

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

God's grace IS enough for me. He is all that i need. :)

back to the blessings He has given to me throughout these past weeks, one of the biggest things that God brought me through to remind me how there is so much more to life than just my own and my own plans, God has a super BIG BIG BIG picture than what our human minds could ever imagine!! He did this during the Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering on the 19th July 2008 in Kluang, Johor. it was exciting to see youths from all t
he states in Malaysia come together to pray for our country and i was so humbled to see how God can use the small town churches and youths to be part of His BIG plan for the nation, for the world, for people! God is doing such a great thing in Malaysia and it's really exciting. i really don't want to miss out on it because i was too caught up with Form 6 or something like that. i want to be part of His plans and i want to live my life for Him! and we must must pray for our land, Malaysia.

1 Timothy 2:1-2
I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone–for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

then there was Netball Inter-house Games. played for green house. and we got second. pretty alright i guess, since we had like TWO practices only!! we've always been getting second to purple since forever! oh well. but it was super duperly fun to play netball again though i think i'm really bad at it already due to the lack of training and extra weight :( tsktsk. and i got to see lots of lifoong as she came back to refree. i miss that girl super much!

2nd August, Saturday was the National BK Quiz. One of the reasons why i was running around so much before this. it was fun and i super praise and thank God for providing the people who served and helped out. by God's grace and providence it all went well. :) praise God!

i went for Passion Kuala Lumpur on the 3rd of August! and it was good. it was pretty evangelical i must say. but it was a good reminder to the purpose of our lives here, that is to shout God's fame! the worship that night was powerful and refreshing. met loads of christian friends there too.

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things have still to be done here

and then the other happy thing is that i passed my driving test!! cleanly :) praise the Lord!!

there's loads more to thank God for. but i should get going now. lots of stuff to do. i am struggling quite a bit in my studies.

Dear Lord,
thank you for being by my side always and for the strength and grace you provide each day. i need you so so so much. and i love you :)

But as for me, I trust in You.
Psalm 55:23

Saturday, June 21, 2008

clothes on

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12

this verse spoke to me during my days in National Service as a dorm leader. when i was first elected dorm leader, i found it quite a struggle. this was because i was already pretty much comfortable living in my own space and taking care of myself, and when i became the dorm leader it meant i had to look out for 20 other girls. and sometimes i found it frustrating and at other times i didn't know what i should be doing.

but even as i was worrying about it all and questioning why in the world did i have to become the dorm leader, this verse spoke to me.

the first thing that touched me was the words God's chosen people. it meant that God was the one who allowed me to be the leader, who opened the way for me. you see, i never did raise my hand on the first day and say "I want to be dorm leader!!" or anything like that. and like i said i was comfortable just being a pangkat-less trainee. but God somehow made it happened and that meant that i had even more reason to lead.

it was encouragement to know that i was God's holy and dearly loved, knowing that i was set apart and that God loves me. i believe God would never place someone He loves into a situation if He did not have a plan and purpose for it, even though it may be tough and disappointing at times.

it's easy to be a dorm leader, all i have to do is get the girls out of the dorm on time, make sure out dorm is clean, know who's sick or unwell, etc. typical tugas-tugas of a dorm leader. but i didn't want to be just another dorm leader who did all my tugas-tugas, i wanted to be a dorm leader that reflected Christ in my life. and i wondered how was i to do that.

and the next part of the verse spoke it all.
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. this was what was going to make me different and an effective leader for God. but i admit at times i struggled in clothing myself with these. i found it hard to be compassionate and kind when i was irritated by others. i found myself not being very gentle with my words and actions at times (usually my words and no, i didn't whack anyone). and when my dorm mates are taking their own sweet time to get out of the dorm and berbaris, my patience ran. at times i caught myself having pride in me and i had to remind myself to be humble before God. as you can see, i was far from being clothed completely with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

but i believe God has taught me much through my days as a dorm leader. and i hope that i did make a difference for Him, He made a BIG difference in my life there. i cannot imagine what my days there would have been like without Him.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:23

the verse says whatever you do. it doesn't say 'if you're doing cf work, then work hard at it' or 'if you're doing church work, then do it with all your heart'. but it say whatever you do, it means everything you do, every role you play, whether it's getting people out on time, homework, making sure your class is clean, helping your teacher,etc.

it doesn't matter what kind of leader you are, whether it's in a christian group or not. you may be a ketua kelas or ketua rumah or ketua kebersihan or ketua kumpulan for some project or a penolong or a cf leader, church leader, cell group leader or ...

whatever kind of leader you are, know that God has chosen you and that you play your role as a leader for Him. do it for God and see the difference it makes.

anyways, here's some pictures. memories as a dorm leader, i think the most important part of it at the end of the day was not whether i got the girls out on time or whether we had the cleanest dorm but the most important thing was the people themselves, the 23 other girls i had to look out for and care for. i mean looking back now, i don't remember how many times we were late to get in line and i don't think anyone does either. but i'll remember the girls, always.

the doors of my dorm. Dorm C :)

hin hin (my cantonese teacher) and i
mira, ain, me, azma

smiles :D

saza, ecah, me, farah, che-pah, iza

pei wen (my 'best dorm mate'. it's like a 'best friend') and i

seha and i

Monday, May 12, 2008

finishing it

tomorrow, i'll be leaving once again to Kelantan for National Service.

yes, i am completing it right till the end, hopefully, even though i could easily excuse myself with the reason of going back for form 6. and yes, i am really going back for form 6 after i finish my national service.

so let me share a bit of how NS has been so far. well, it's had its fair share of ups and downs. there's been loads of new things i've learned, experiences i wouldn't have found elsewhere, people i do not regret having known. well, there are also times when i really miss home and wished i was home. i've been in situations that seem so messy and tangled up. moments where i just want to give up. i've met people with all kinds of characters and attitudes.

but at the end of the day, when i reflect back, it has always been God who has been with me through the ups and the downs. He blesses me with the happy times and friends who care. He is my encouragement and guide in my sticky situations. He's my comfort when i feel broken and lonely. God has truly been so real to me in the past months.

and now i shall return back there, for the purpose for which He has called me too. that is to be a light there. i admit that my light there hasn't been as bright as it could have been and it has been a disappointment to me, but i continue to hope and pray that God will use my life there, for the weeks that are left, to be used as His tool in His plans.

Salt and Light (Matthew 5:13-16
You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Lord, teach me to be salt and light to the people around me.
sometimes, it's just so hard to love those who've hurt me but Lord, teach me to love them with your love. because i know, you didn't just die for the lovable and easy to get along with people, but you died for each and every person here.
thank you, Lord for bringing me through so much and i pray i will continue to walk close to you.

till i see you again in june :) i'm going to finish it.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

precious promises

cf camp was such a blessing to me. God is doing a new work in our cf and the lives of each and every person who went. He has shown me His grace and His awesome power. when we place Him as the center of our lives and the center of what we do, He will do great things. what happened in camp was not done by the committee or the leaders, but by God. camp was not good because of the human efforts, but because God did it.

i got to meet so many form 1's on my bus who are so so precious and dear to God. i saw the lives of those who were broken be touched by God. those who were tired and burning out were strengthened by God's mighty hand. and those who have strayed off the path, God has called them back.

the messages were simple yet powerful. the potential God has placed in us that we should live out. how we should die empty (you'll need to be there to understand this). how God has the best purpose and plans for our lives that we must pursue.

i got to enjoy the beautiful surroundings God placed on that mountain top, the coolness up there, and the many different people God placed around me.

for me, i had one desire after i left this camp. for God to create in me a heart filled with His love and His compassion for the people around me, all kinds of people, whether they are easy to love or not so easy to love, whether i've been hurt by them or not, whatever they've done or whoever they are, i want to love them like how Jesus loves them.

and believe me, it's super not easy. i can get pretty irritated and disappointed at times. but God shows me that Jesus didn't just die for the nice and lovable people, He did it for every person. amazing, huh.

and i can remember the camp verse! super long compared to last year's.

2 Peter 1:3-4
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through this He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.


apart from camp, i really thank and praise God for blessing me with good results for SPM, it was beyond my expectations. and i thank Him so much. for me it really proved that when we honour God with our lives, He will honour us too. really by His grace and blessings.

and so, in about 3 more days, i'll be leaving to National Service in Kelantan. i used to be all excited and okay with it, but now, i don't really know. i'm going to miss the people here. i'm going to miss church and cf. i'm going to miss my family. my home. i'm going to miss a lot.

and so, God's work in cf camp has not yet ended but has only just begun.

keep walking with God and making choices to follow Him. it may not be easy at all, but God is a mighty God and nothing is impossible for Him! i'm going to miss seeing the work continue for the next 3 months. but i will be praying for this work to continue to grow according to God's will.

Dear Lord,
i thank you for all you've done.
continue this work that you've begun in the lives of the people
and strengthen them to run the race for you!

Monday, February 11, 2008

no time to waste

i realize, that when a person is going through hard and tough times, there is quite a large probability that they may fall into self-pity which then leads to being selfish, always thinking about themselves and how 'poor things' they are.

or is it the other way around? they're selfish and then they become self-pitiful? hmm...that is worth some thought.

i didn't just stumble on this realization randomly, nor did i find it by sitting and judging people around me. it came more like a slap in the face because i went through it.

i have to admit. i have been a very self-pitying and selfish person lately.

well, it all started with some rough times. (won't go into detail because it is quite personal, but i'll share if you ask me personally :) and those rough times happened when i was some what "alone". the people who usually surrounded me when i was in school were now busy with their own lives, some in National Service (NS), others in college, some working, etc. basically, i wasn't surrounded by the people i saw almost everyday in a week anymore.

apart from not having the people i would usually pour out to, there for me to share my heart with and to encourage and help me through, i was also faced with another situation. i didn't have anyone to care for or reach out to physically. one of the things that kept me going even in the midst of struggles was knowing that when there are people, there is a need to love and care for them like how Jesus does whether they are broken or not. and i wanted to do that.

but recently when i was given my "alone" time (okay, i had my family but that's a different thing) there seemed to be no need to love and care for others, well, not like when i was still in school. in school, there were so many others with dilemmas in their lives that were worse than mine, this in a way showed me how blessed i am and how good God has been to me. as i went through my rough times, i had no one to turn to and i was unfaithful and forgot God's grace in my life. i fell into self-pity and then i became selfish.

okay, so i wasn't in a totally-absolutely-no-connection-with-outside-world situation. i still went for cf, still met up with some friends, still chatted on msn, etc. and that's when i realize i was starting to be very selfish.

if i was tired, i made no effort to entertain anyone, no effort to talk and listen to anyone, no effort to care for anyone. if i was down, i would sit quietly alone and when others who cared asked if i was okay, i would just give a dead "okay". i was selfish and i was starting to not care for those around me. when i met new people, i didn't make any effort to get to know them, i just gave them my name and a smile. i don't think they remember me. and what really made me worry was, i didn't really bother if they would remember me or not.

what kind of life was i living? what kind of testimony was i? is this how i am to impact the lives of those around me? i certainly don't think so.

there i was, not caring about the people around me, just because i didn't feel like it. you tell me, selfish or not?

but i thank God for waking me up. for sending people to speak to me. for His grace and His forgiveness. it is not right for me to inhibit God's work just because i am tired and being all down about my situation. there is no point in that.

i am not saying that you cannot cry before God when you feel helpless and broken, when you're going through a rough time. it is definitely important to pour out hearts out to God, He is there for us always and He wants us to come near to Him. and i am not saying that you should put up a fake smile even when you don't feel like it. but what i am trying to get across here is that we cannot let ourselves get too absorbed in our problems until we lose sight of our hope, our faith and our purpose. we must press on towards the goal which Christ has called us to.

as long as i am here on earth, as long as i can breath and am alive, as long as i am able, i have a purpose in Christ. i have a calling to be a witness to those around me, i have been commanded to love my those around me. and everyday, as time passes, life becomes shorter. time cannot be turned back and thus therefore, there is no time to waste.

1 Peter 4:7-11
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self–controlled so that you can pray.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Dear Lord,
I don't want to be selfish and self-pitiful anymore.
I don't want to waste my life away in this way.
God give me the strength and vision to look ahead.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Love them like Jesus

2008 has been ups and downs for me so far. goodness, and it's only halfway through january.

but it's true. there's so many things going on in my life right now. and certain things just seem so broken. and it really really hurts.

it's not just me. i know others who are going through so much too. and i just can't help but ask God - why??

why are we going through all these?
why do we find it so hard to love one another?
why are things so broken? why are situations so discouraging?
why do we seem so lost?
why? why? why?

but there seems to be no "correct" answer to it all. God never gave me a clear "because..." and that makes me keep wondering and it keeps getting more and more frustrating. in the end, i just want to give up all together.

but in the end i realize, if we keep asking "why" we never really get anywhere. instead, it should be committing circumstances and everything unto God and asking Him what he wants us to do. but it's not so easy, i admit.

it's not that we do not know what God wants us to do, it's more like we rather choose not to do it.

we know we should love others more, love them like how Jesus loves us and them. but can you honestly say, you are showing God's love through your life to the people around you? to the people who hurt you and who irritate you? who back stab you or go against you? it's really not easy to love everyone.

Love for Enemies (Luke 6:27-36)

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

but this is what Jesus is asking us to do. the passage talks about loving our enemies. but somehow, it seems like we're not even loving and caring for the people around us, our friends, our classmates, our families, even other christians. how can we love our enemies, if even the people who we're with everyday, we don't show love to? is this obeying what God is asking us to do? i don't think so.

this is just a small part, there's so much more. and i'm sure all of it hurts God so much too, it breaks His heart. and it breaks mine too. what Jesus did on the cross for us, that love is so amazing and so wonderful, that love paid the price for the sins of man, that love sets us free! why then are we not sharing this great love with others? why then are our lives not showing this love of Christ?

it all boils down to our own decisions in the end. and for me, i want to start by trying to love and care for others more. to love them like how Jesus loves me. not easy, but i've got to start somewhere.

Dear Lord,
help me to love others, the way You love me.

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

Casting Crowns - If We Are The Body

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

byebye 2007, hello 2008

the year has passed by so quickly. all in all, i had lots of memories in 2007. there were the good ones and there were the painful ones. there were so many moments in 2007.

it felt like one crazy roller coaster ride! there were ups, the downs and the 360 degrees turns.

at times i felt so close to God and other times so discouraged and distant, it hurt so much.

i won't say i am satisfied with the way i lived my life in 2007, i did and said things i regretted. i felt i was a hypocrite at times and it was such a hard thing to bear.

but i would say, 2007 has taught me a lot. i've seen so much of God's amazing grace and unending love, His forgiveness. it has at times comforted me and other times broken my heart.

i thank God for the people God has brought into my life. the encouragement and prayers they gave. God really pulled me through the year. with SPM, leading the CF, the demises of loved ones, farewells, etc.

2008 is going to be so different from the past year. for one thing, i don't go back to school in january. i'm going to NS in march and i'm going back in june for Form 6.

it marks another phase of my life. and i really don't know what to expect at times. so uncertain. yet i am assured that God is going to be with me through it all. and that in itself is a promise i know i can hold on to.

Dear Lord,
Thanks for bringing me through 2007.
this year, 2008, i pray that i will walk closer to You.
help me through the times of change,
and the times i feel uncertain and lost.

i commit the new year into Your hands.