i'm scared, so i run

i don't know, i don't know what the future holds.
it's so uncertain. such a blur.

i try to make things better by planning, practicing, preparing.
instead, i should be praying.

next year, next year.
it's going to be exciting, interesting.
but there are things i'm afraid to face.
studies, people, responsibilities, exams, things.

i'm scared, so i run.
i run, i run away from people, away from studies, away from things.
i run but not far enough, not fast enough.

we can never run away forever.

i guess i have to face up to things.

no, i cannot, i must not keep running away.
God doesn't want me to keep running away.

all i need to do is trust Him, allow Him to take it from me.
surrender it all to Him, lay it at His feet.
and listen, listen and obey Him.

“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10

God's telling me to be still. to stop running. to stop taking things into my own hands - planning, practicing and preparing, to stop trusting in my own capabilities and abilities. He's telling me to acknowledge His Greatness, His Majesty, His Holiness, to acknowledge that He is God. God above the nations, above the earth.

truly, because He is God, there is nothing impossible for Him.

what are my little fears compared to Him?

Lord, teach me to be still before You,
to know and be reminded that You are God,
and there is no other like You.
and because You are my God, i have nothing to fear.
My future is in Your hands, You know my needs and You provide.
You love me and
because You love me, i know my security is in You.
I know I belong to You.
Thank You, Lord.
I commit next year into Your hands.
Guide me, light my path.
Draw me close to You.

a promise for the year to come

phew, what a busy month this has been.

camps, holiday trips, shopping, meet ups, yumcha sessions, biology project, practices, church, prayer meetings, tuitions and lots more.

random note: i don't like tuitions during the holidays. yuck!

but despite the busyness, i am enjoying my holidays and i would rather be it like this forever and i never have to go back to school :)

...

yearight, like that would ever happen.

this holidays, God has been teaching me many many things, reminding me of past lessons, showing me His amazing love and promises, helping me to grow, encouraging me to keep pressing on, and so much more.

and i guess that's more of why i am enjoying this holidays so much.

it's not the activities and stuff to do that's giving me the thrill of holidays, in fact all that get tiring after some time. but it's what God is doing in my life. that's exciting!

i'm so shocked at how super duper fast time flies. the year 2008 is already coming to an end, and pretty soon in comes a whole new year!

i'm already 18 this year! even that is still pretty surprising when i come to think about it.

let's see what God has install for next year :) i am excited!

Dear Lord,
Thank You for bringing me through this year with so much grace and faithfulness.
Thank You for this holidays and all that You've done.
And even as we step into a whole new year, Lord, continue to guide my way and teach my heart to be obedient to Your call.

i love you :)

Isaiah 43:18
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not percieve it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

where are we going?

we're so lost.

where are we going?

no map, no compass, no guide.

just a lamp and a shining light for my feet.

i got to trust, i got to trust in You.

Your word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:10

Lord, guide my way.
I trust in You.

grace amazing takes me home

this has got to be one of the longest weeks of my life.

form 6 is really being very unkind to me :(
okay, i guess it would have been better if i had studied consistently all the while.

exams are finally over! and this isn't even the real deal. next year, next year. ohboyy...

i really felt very very super duper low throughout the exams.

and the results i got back are not excellent, but i can't ask for lots of A+ if i hadn't been studying, right? oh wells. :(

but i know that God has been with me all throughout the exams and i know He'll be with me all the way. He's always been there. :)

Lord, i love you so much!
and i'll wait for You to come rescue me, in Your time.
thanks for Your amazing amazing grace in my life.
Thank You! :)

beloved

yesterday, our church had a Spiritual Formation Weekend. it was to be like a follow up from this year's church camp (which i missed because i was off on my ns adventure).

the speaker, Ps Keith Lai shared on friday night. a summary of what he shared in camp, which was really good because i got to hear a bit of what i missed at camp.

the message was about our spiritual journey with Christ and us being Christ's disciples.
Discipleship is a journey of spiritual formation.

it started of with how many people have lost our delights on this journey. how many are tired. how we end up doing things just for the sake of doing it. how we no longer enjoy the work given to us. and in the end, we just become tired, fatigued, weary and restless, because of the way things are.

this is not what the journey is meant to be like. no no no...

discipleship is a journey that moves us from duty to delight :D
the point is not about fulfilling the duty, or the fruits of our labour, or anything of that sort, but simply to enjoy and experience God through it.

the reason why God asks us to do things like worship Him, obey Him, meditate on His word; is simply so that we can draw close to Him. to know Him and to enjoy Him.

i know it isn't as easy as it sounds. really, it isn't. but it's something we must learn to do because if we don't we'll just end up like pharisees and saducees, all legalistic and rigid, not knowing God but just following rules all out of obligation. this is not how our lives are meant to be. not when God has already paid the ransom for our lives so that we may be called children of God!

that takes us to understanding who we are in Christ. we are God's children.

Ephesians 5:1-2
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

i don't remember what version Ps Keith read from, but the part where we are God's children came before being imitators of Christ. but anyway, the meaning is still the same.

therefore, as dearly beloved children, be imitators of Christ. (i did a little switcheroo there) we need to know that our identity is in God, we need to know it inside first and then our behaviour will confirm our identity.

it's not, do a lot of good things like go to church, do charity, give to the poor, etc. and then only you'll be a child of God. no no no. it's not that way.

it's us being God's beloved children then showing it through our actions in love.

get? :)

i was really encouraged by that. because at times, i just feel that i need to prove myself and do things to please others. or just do things because that's what i'm "supposed" to do.

i am a child of God and He loves me to bits! and i am God's beloved.
and because He loves me, i want to love Him back by living my life for Him. doing the things i do for Him and not for anyone else, not even for myself.

and that was the message for the night.

Father Lord,
thank you for loving me. thank you for calling me your child. thank you for calling me your beloved.
thank you for being my father who watches over me and who forgives me no matter how many times i mess up.
teach me Lord to delight in you.
teach me to live my life for you and to enjoy it.
help me not to do things out of obligations or rules or duties, but teach me to enjoy doing them.
i love you, Father.