ahemm...testing one two one two :)

are you listening?

well, anyway. half my holidays have already gone :( sad sad... but they were well spent, in my eyes at least :)

well, except for the studying part, that is.

church camp up in fraser's hill was really good. it was unrushed (if there is such a word), peaceful, cooling (which i miss so much now! PJ is burning up!), a great time of ber-bonding with the people, and very refreshing. the camp theme this year was 'Listening to God'. which was very appropriate for a lot of us city people's lives. we're always rushing here and there and sometimes we just shut God out or push Him aside. i know i've done it before.

we had an exercise where we had to reflect on our lives. i don't know what it's called but i call it the "cup thingy". there are four kinds of cups.

1. The Cluttered Cup

our lives sometimes get so cluttered up with all kinds of things. worries, self-pity, busyness, disappointments, responsibilities, this and thats; that it all becomes so messy and burdensome. we need to pour out all the clutter in our lives so that God can fill our cups with what He wants to pour into us.

as i looked into my cup. i saw loads of clutter. some that i didn't even know i had. i started to question when did i start picking up and accumulating all these clutter? and i realised that carrying all these clutter in my life was so heavy and so exhausting and it turned my eyes away from God. i needed to pour out my clutter so that God could fill me again.

Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

where is my heart? is it filled with the desires of this world? or is God the greatest treasure i have?

2. The Unmendable Cup

like how time cannot be turned back. there are seasons and occasions in our lives where we regret and wished we could have done things differently. it could be us hurting others or the other way around, things said or done we wished we could take back, dreams and ambitions we had that never did arise, etc. is this part of our lives holding us back from God's calling to our lives?

as i looked at the cup on its side, my time in form 6 came to mind. all the hopes, visions and expectations i had had about it and the disappointments of them not coming to past was painful. it all just lay spilled unable to arise. i just felt like giving up so many many times. am i able to pick up this cup and allow God to fill it before my time in Taman SEA ends?

Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

the things that have happened sometimes cannot be mended. we cannot turn back time. but God can do great great things when we give our lives and future to Him. give your time to God.

3. The Stained Cup

what stains our lives? the past? habits? certain attitudes that we just can't seem to get rid of? we need to do something to remove the stains. God is definitely able to remove the stains in our lives but we have to be obedient to what He tells us to do.

Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

the stains in my cup were pretty clear. i knew what had to be done. but i'm still working on it. it's really not easy for me. and i ask God for the grace and courage to follow through.

4. The Cup of Suffering

sounds like form 6 :D

we all go through painful times. when we find our situations so impossible, so overwhelming, so hard to bear. Jesus drank from the cup of suffering for us. and because of that, God empowers and strengthens us to be able to bear the cup of sufferings in our lives.

for me, truly form 6 is painful. sometimes i just question my purpose and reason of coming back to form 6. the CF, studies, responsibilities, etc. i really struggle with it at times and many times i want to give up.

Mark 8:34
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

have i denied my own abilities? have i taken up my cross? am i following God? or am i being like a spoiled child where i throw tantrums at God when i don't get what i want?

taking up our cross is not an easy task, it's calling us to die to ourselves daily and living our lives for Christ. sounds absurd, yes? but it's what God wants and it is definitely worth it. He knows what's best.

i pray my life will be entirely for God. i am sorry for wanting things my own way. teach me to be like Jesus, willing to take what you give to me. strengthen me, encourage me to go through the circumstances you have placed me in. i trust in you.

so that's a bit on what i learned in camp.

and then there was the third Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering in Alor Setar, Kedah. the journey there was long and cold. and we were quite tired throughout. with sudden burst of energy at times. but it was good to see youths gather together and pray for malaysia. and it really brought me back to a point to remember when i had so much passion and excitement for God work and also to wonder how it fizzled out. how?

and then we had our local youth prayer gatehring on saturday. it was a time of listening to God and refreshment. and truly i was refreshed. God asked me to listen to Him. and i realised that the reason why my walk with God had become so rocky and dry was because i had somehow stopped listening to God and just carried on with me own everyday life. He reminded me that any relationship will break down when there is no communication and that i had to listen to what He had to say.

dear God,
help me to listen to you. to humble myself and obey you.

are you listening?