confrontations

i've realized something about myself, i don't like confrontations. i'd rather not. but then that becomes the cause for a lot more trouble. cause i end up sweeping things under the carpet and when that carpet gets too full, it becomes an ugly sight. i can't go on pretending like nothing's happened and that things will sort themselves out or i conveniently forget or ignore the problem. 

confrontations are necessary. to fix things, to right wrongs, to stand for truth. confrontations can be painful, uncomfortable, harsh, cold, distant. and maybe that's why i'd rather not. rather not go through all that. until, it's too late and i lose the person or the situation.

i look back at my two years in uni; the people, the friends, the situations. there are things i feel could have been better, people who i should have confronted as i watched their lives go in all sorts of directions. you know, it's so much easier to mind your own business. and anyway, who are you to say what others should do with their lives or how they should live? but what if you know it's pretty much self-destruction? would you still stay silent? is it good enough to just be there, to be there through it and at the end of it? would the person then turn to you and say, you knew all this while i was wrong and you never bothered to correct me? then sometimes i guess, it's cause i've not been close enough to them to have the right to say anything. i mean you have to earn your right to say something to someone, right? 

i think i don't like confrontations because i don't want to face confrontations myself. i know there's a whole lot of mess in me and i know if someone were to walk into my life and confront me about it, i'd feel pretty lousy. like crap lousy. but then correction and reproof is essential for us to grow, essential for us to learn. 

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,

but a wise man listens to advice.

Proverbs 12:15

so, should we confront or not? i guess, the way one does it is crucial too. and asking for God's grace and wisdom as we try to speak the truth in love. words can either build up or totally destroy. and we've all experienced that one way or another. but anytime there is confrontation it should be for the better of the listener. not to destroy, belittle or humiliate, but to correct and strengthen. to save a life. 

confrontation is by far better than talking about it behind someone's back (unless you're talking with God, of course). of course it's easier to say what the situation should be like to others who would probably agree very much with you rather than telling it to the person who it actually really matters to. i know i'm guilty of it. :( God, forgive me. 

i think, at the end of the day, you really have no right to say anything. it's just whether you care enough to tell the person what you believe is right. and we all need that kind of person in our lives, someone who loves us enough to tell us the truth. there's enough nice people to go around treating us politely and respecting our lifestyles, but someone who loves you would want to save you from destroying yourself. 

i thank God for these "someones" He has placed in my life, who tell me things like, "WaiYan, you've changed.", "WaiYan, are you sure you're not compromising?", "WaiYan, clean your room! It's so messy!!" (mom, haha). there are times i don't listen, times i don't like hearing what i'm being told, times i get hurt, times i get confused :\ but i know, that every time i bring these to God, He answers in His own way and in His own time. and i thank God that these people love me enough to tell me where i'm going wrong. at least, i know and am not completely ignorant to my folly.

and i thank God that He is the one who loves me most, who loves me enough to discipline and correct me. although painful and confusing at times, i am assured my life is safe under His watch. He lets things happen for a reason, there are times He'll allow you to make your own decisions which include some mistakes and wrong choices. the consequences painful. but His grace and mercy never fail and you learn a lot from these experiences and bits and pieces of life. 

i'm learning still. learning to face confrontations and learning to speak the truth in love. learning to listen before speaking. learning to accept my faults and failures. learning that life is not just for me to live as i please, but that i should live to please God.

so, i invite you to be part of my learning. teach me. speak to me about my errors and wrongs. rebuke and reprimand me where i have gone wrong. and may i be humble enough to accept the things said. may i know you do it because you love me, not because you want to break me or destroy me. but even then, i know confrontations are not exactly a painless and enjoyable process, so i ready myself and am open to whatever may come. (so brave, kan? kidding, haha.) time to die to self.

chase

Dekat padaMu, Itu rinduku

Setiap kataku Kau pun menunggu

Tak kusangka kutemukan

Satu kasih yang abadi

Kini ku datang dan ku bawa hidupku

Memandang wajahMu

Mengikuti kebaikanMu

Mengejar hadirMu 

Dalam hidupku

Membawa sembahku

Menyatakan kebesaranMu

Mengejar hadirMu

Dalam hidupku

-Mengejar HadirMu by Giving My Best-

"Mengejar hadirMu dalam hidupku"

then He said to me,
"Chase after Me, It's time to RUN!"

There is a time and season for everything. As I look back, I begin to see clearer the season God has brought me through and even now, as I look ahead and am not entirely sure what is to come, but I know that these are crucial, urgent and exciting times. It's time to run. Time to run with the Lord.

Global Day of Prayer on Sunday brought me back to a point of humility and brokenness. Oh, how far we've gone from the original purpose and call of the church. How we've been so busy and caught up with our own business we have forgotten the Kingdom. My prayer is that God would once again humble and break me, and that this life be not mine to claim but His to use. Lord, humble and unite your church. Forgive us, Lord. Forgive me.

I want to run after You, run with You and run by Your strength and Spirit. 

He says to me,

"Do not fear, be strong.

I will never leave you nor forsake you."

*takes a deep breath and takes hold of God's hand*

final week.

God, be our strength and lead us through this week.

In Jesus Name,

Amen.

that time of the semester again

yeaps. week twelve! two more weeks and that’s the end of another semester! marking my midway point on this journey as an undergraduate student. *takes a moment to digest that…wow.*

so it’s deadlines and assignments, and procrastinating and piled up work, and panicking and a little depression here and there, stress levels up, tears (somehow not flowing so easily this time around), late nights and lack of sleep resulting in panda eyes  

i’m going to sleep cukup cukup once i finish week 14!

but i think i’m learning to live and survive this with much grace from God and also the friends God has placed in my life. and good distractions here and there.

trip to Bukit Gasing with Susan, my roommate  
we needed the exercise and adrenaline to sweat out the stress!

trip up to penang with sue ann and her dad

where we had superb food yum!
rojak, cendol, nasi kandar, asam laksa, yong tau foo…

and i got to meet up with a few from USM - michael, tien hui, monica and carmen

had a day out in KL with David Woon, all the way back from Australia! tripped down to Sungai Wang and Petaling Street. And that night, supper with Sue Ann. it was good catching up.

and tonight, i watched…

with my TESL juniors – lee, sarah, nisha and cherie
should spend more time getting to know them. it was a good escape for me. the movie was okay for me, okaylah. puas. better not say too much, nanti kena stoned.

(if you notice a bit more BM and Manglish in my post, it’s because we’re doing an assignment on Manglish and we’ve been having presentations fully loaded with our beloved Malaysian lingo – Manglish. Got to love the lah’s, mah’s, meh’s, etc.)

so anyway, it’s getting late. should sleep. this weekend is going to be packed! exco meeting, music showcase, uniform unit management assessment, oliver twist, parents’ day in church, and mother’s day! pkvum committee meeting.

O God, be my strength!

please

So whether we are at home or away, 

we make it our aim to please Him.

2 Corinthians 5:9

He (Peter) was still speaking when behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to Him."

Matthew 17:5

Learning to live like Jesus, and a big part of that is learning to please the Father. 

Question to myself: Am I living a life that's pleasing to God? Or am I just pleasing myself and others? :\ 

Let today and the rest of my days be pleasing to my Father.

hahahaa, perasan picture of me on the ferry back from Penang Island :P