confrontations

i've realized something about myself, i don't like confrontations. i'd rather not. but then that becomes the cause for a lot more trouble. cause i end up sweeping things under the carpet and when that carpet gets too full, it becomes an ugly sight. i can't go on pretending like nothing's happened and that things will sort themselves out or i conveniently forget or ignore the problem. 

confrontations are necessary. to fix things, to right wrongs, to stand for truth. confrontations can be painful, uncomfortable, harsh, cold, distant. and maybe that's why i'd rather not. rather not go through all that. until, it's too late and i lose the person or the situation.

i look back at my two years in uni; the people, the friends, the situations. there are things i feel could have been better, people who i should have confronted as i watched their lives go in all sorts of directions. you know, it's so much easier to mind your own business. and anyway, who are you to say what others should do with their lives or how they should live? but what if you know it's pretty much self-destruction? would you still stay silent? is it good enough to just be there, to be there through it and at the end of it? would the person then turn to you and say, you knew all this while i was wrong and you never bothered to correct me? then sometimes i guess, it's cause i've not been close enough to them to have the right to say anything. i mean you have to earn your right to say something to someone, right? 

i think i don't like confrontations because i don't want to face confrontations myself. i know there's a whole lot of mess in me and i know if someone were to walk into my life and confront me about it, i'd feel pretty lousy. like crap lousy. but then correction and reproof is essential for us to grow, essential for us to learn. 

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,

but a wise man listens to advice.

Proverbs 12:15

so, should we confront or not? i guess, the way one does it is crucial too. and asking for God's grace and wisdom as we try to speak the truth in love. words can either build up or totally destroy. and we've all experienced that one way or another. but anytime there is confrontation it should be for the better of the listener. not to destroy, belittle or humiliate, but to correct and strengthen. to save a life. 

confrontation is by far better than talking about it behind someone's back (unless you're talking with God, of course). of course it's easier to say what the situation should be like to others who would probably agree very much with you rather than telling it to the person who it actually really matters to. i know i'm guilty of it. :( God, forgive me. 

i think, at the end of the day, you really have no right to say anything. it's just whether you care enough to tell the person what you believe is right. and we all need that kind of person in our lives, someone who loves us enough to tell us the truth. there's enough nice people to go around treating us politely and respecting our lifestyles, but someone who loves you would want to save you from destroying yourself. 

i thank God for these "someones" He has placed in my life, who tell me things like, "WaiYan, you've changed.", "WaiYan, are you sure you're not compromising?", "WaiYan, clean your room! It's so messy!!" (mom, haha). there are times i don't listen, times i don't like hearing what i'm being told, times i get hurt, times i get confused :\ but i know, that every time i bring these to God, He answers in His own way and in His own time. and i thank God that these people love me enough to tell me where i'm going wrong. at least, i know and am not completely ignorant to my folly.

and i thank God that He is the one who loves me most, who loves me enough to discipline and correct me. although painful and confusing at times, i am assured my life is safe under His watch. He lets things happen for a reason, there are times He'll allow you to make your own decisions which include some mistakes and wrong choices. the consequences painful. but His grace and mercy never fail and you learn a lot from these experiences and bits and pieces of life. 

i'm learning still. learning to face confrontations and learning to speak the truth in love. learning to listen before speaking. learning to accept my faults and failures. learning that life is not just for me to live as i please, but that i should live to please God.

so, i invite you to be part of my learning. teach me. speak to me about my errors and wrongs. rebuke and reprimand me where i have gone wrong. and may i be humble enough to accept the things said. may i know you do it because you love me, not because you want to break me or destroy me. but even then, i know confrontations are not exactly a painless and enjoyable process, so i ready myself and am open to whatever may come. (so brave, kan? kidding, haha.) time to die to self.