vents

hmmm... nothing really inspiring, thought-provoking, weighty to write. but i just have an itch to write. to vent, to rant. to allow my thoughts to run free in words, phrases, sentences and paragraphs.

where do i begin?

be random. let's start with the first word that comes to my mind about this particular week.

rain. wet, fresh, heavy rain. rain that washes the hazy skies, cools the hot weather, quenches the thirst of the land. lovely rain. and i feel it resonate within me. that thirst, that dryness, that yearn for something to wash over me, wash me clean, pull me under and deep into the water. i've always loved the rain, always loved the waters.

next.

balance. the lack of. the inability to juggle and handle everything. the feeling that everything is going to fall and topple all over, that i'm going to fall and topple over. the knowledge that i don't have it all in control, and that bugs me. the knowledge that it was my choice and decisions that put me here in the first place. the temptation to neglect certain things and pursue others.

another.

adventure. that though i don't have it all together perfect, to enjoy the journey, the process of life. to take it one step at a time and to enjoy it. to not worry about the tomorrows to the point i lose focus of the present. to make my time here on earth count. to allow God to be the leader and master of my life. adventure is in Him and no other.

last.

obey. been reading Deuteronomy. and towards the end, Moses tells the people about blessings and curses. and it's a pretty simple equation. obey God's laws and commandments = blessings. not just blessings, abundant blessings!! disobey God's laws and commandments (especially serving other gods) = curses. curses that will destroy them, that will torment them and cause them to perish. but it tells us, that even then, God knows and God tells that they are a stiff-necked people and very soon, they will turn away from His ways and go on their own. and they did. so, why if it's so clear cut and easy to understand, why do we still choose to disobey? why? because we are bad, bad to the core. and we always always want to rebel against God. because we are stiff-necked. sinful, dead in sin. until we come under Christ's redemption, until the Spirit dwells in us and works in us. making us alive in Him, enabling us by His grace to obey Him.

there's just no structure to this writing. no direction. just like my thoughts sometimes. all mumblejumbled up. sometimes, you just got to dig to get something. sometimes, you let it overflow and take what comes. sometimes, you stay still and let whatever is floating around sink and sit at the bottom of it.

words. pretty amazing stuff huh.

Inspirations

There are just some people that inspire you to keep going, that remind you of your passion, remind you of purpose and help you believe that you can make a difference.

Of all my classes this semester, Integrative Seminar: Issues in TESL, is by far the class where I come away inspired. Yes, a few things get repeated a lot and there is never a shortage of stories and experiences of classroom situations, but the most inspiring is our lecturer Dr. Pradip Kumar or more well-known as Dr. PK.

It's my first time taking one of his courses and though he admits being bad with names and has a tendency to change my name to Wai Wan (my friend asked if he was asking us a question -.-), his passion and love for teaching and also for his students is so contagious. You really come away wanting to try and apply the things learnt in his lessons. And one day, I pray I would be as an effective and inspirational teacher as he is.

I thank God for the things and people that inspire when everything else just seem to discourage and trip you up most of the time. And this is one I am grateful for this semester.

:)

final semester

So after almost half a year of not being back in university (about 2 months doing my teaching practice and 4 months away in Korea for student exchange), I am back in UM for my final semester of my TESL programme. If all goes well, I finish in about half a year :) Finish!

It's seems unreal. Almost four years have passed just like that.

And already it's Week 4. I don't know why, but things just have been a bit too much to handle. I thought it'd be a relaxing final semester :\ But I thank God for the strength and grace He provides just enough for each day.

My struggle is balance. I'm just terrible at it. I'll take one thing and neglect another and my ability to prioritize is really deteriorating. I really need to learn how to do this. Life doesn't seem to be slowing down or getting any easier anytime soon.

My greatest struggle though is my spiritual walk with God. And this is taking everything in me apart. Because without Him I am nothing and can do nothing. And it's been hard to break free, hard to repent and turn around, hard to walk true to His Word and commands. And I feel really far, really distant. But He reminds me through different ways that He is bigger and beyond my struggles, that I do not struggle through this alone nor am I on my own. There's still much figuring out to do. And pray, I shall overcome.

Have a blessed day.

Praying for the MH370 situation, for the loved ones, family and friends of the passengers on the missing flight.