Through It All (2014)

I give thanks to God for this year.

God who is sovereign, God who is faithful, God who is good, through it all.

It's been a tough year for many. So much has happened on a global scale, to our nation Malaysia, in our community, etc. And even now, on the last day of the year we hear of many who struggle with losses, with tragedies, with floods, and so much more. Lost planes, lost lives, lost homes, lost loves and lost hopes. :'( I can only imagine the pain and grief they feel and go through. 

The things I have gone through this year cannot compare to the many hardships of others as mentioned, but personally it was still a struggle for me. Somehow, the painful parts of 2014 stay seared in my mind as compared to the many good moments I am thankful for. 

Yet, this gives me much encouragement:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. - James 1:2-4

That the struggles and the trials are there for a reason, have their own purpose and is not in vain. As we come to the end of another year, I read back on journal entries and I know I struggled and stumbled through many parts of the year, but I am where I am today and who I am today by His grace and faithfulness. My life is a work in progress. It has not ended yet and new chapters and phases are still being written.

Last picture of 2014.

I thank God for loved ones who have supported and encouraged me through the different periods. Family, friends, strangers. People who were there long periods, or through one or two projects, or just a day or less, people who I knew I could turn to, people who were there by chance, people who came in just at the right moment, all kinds of people. Thankful for the people who pick me up, who pray for me, who walk with me, who do life with me. I appreciate it and I treasure you, though I may not always show it.

I thank God for Ernest who helps me grow, who journeys with me through the ups and downs, who is patient and kind even in my most irrational states. And indeed, we are growing and learning in this relationship. It's not always smooth, not always ideal. not always lovey-dovey and sweet, it is painful sometimes, it is hard and confusing sometimes too, but it is worth it. And I will choose to love, day by day, year by year, I will choose to love always.

Bidding farewell to UM and her days

I finished my days in university this year. I miss them. I miss the life and the people. But I know life is always changing and we move on into new terrains of life. Life is an adventure, an expedition, and an exploration. Everyday something new. One thing I really thank God for in university was my PKV family and the many experiences brought through the christian fellowship there. The camps we attended, the inspiring people who spoke to us, the avenues to reach out, the growing together, and so much more.

Also, FES. I thank God for them. FES camps always left an impact, always brought up reminders, and always awakened me to something new. Well, SWEEP is something to thank God for since it indirectly led to Ernest and I :P And my hopes to "find a husband here (at camp)" came to pass! Hooray :D

Yet 2014, is where university ends for me. I am a graduate now. And I am thankful for all that I have learned and experienced throughout my days here.

I went through a waiting phase. Where I grew impatient and lost and confused. It was disheartening. It was scary. But I had to trust God even when I couldn't see what was in front of me. I am currently working with little kids and it brings me great joy but also wears me out physically. Those little balls of energy. D: But I am learning to love and enjoy what I do, and wait for when God brings me wherever He may call me to. The recent trip to Cambodia with my church group has re-sparked the desire and passion to teach the people who are poorest and in need of education. It makes me want to do more and be more. It makes me pray, "God, prepare me for your work. Teach me, train me, send me."

And as we enter 2015, I still wait for that. But I wait knowing and assured He has the best plans and He has the right timings.

He is with me through it all.

Blessed Christmas

A picture speaks a thousand words, they say.

Here's my picture :)

Because of God's love, we are saved by His grace.

Because of God's love, we can love others.

Because He loves the world, He gave His one and only Son,

that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Because in Him, we have hope and we have love.

These children reminded me and pointed me back to this love of God.

And I pray that my life may point them back to His love too.

Blessed Christmas.

Love came down to save us.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son,

that whoever believes in Him shall not perish

but have eternal life."

John 3:16

Battambang, Cambodia 

December 2014

stay the course

"Christian life is like a big round boulder rolling uphill." 

- Mr Lian during Tuesday Night's Bible Studies.

Indeed it is unnatural and it is a struggle most times, but most of all it is impossible without the work and power of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

So, it's November. ALREADY?! This year has been so many ups and downs and in betweens. But I am thankful for God's faithfulness through it all and for the people in my life who have been there.

I left my university life and am embarking on new journeys and learning new things. I am going through uncertain phases and times where I am afraid of my own emotions and state of mind. And it's a whole lot of figuring out but I'm learning that I cannot figure it out on my own with just a lot of thinking and self-reflecting. I need the Spirit of God to convict and the Word of God to be a mirror to check my life and self. It's scary how far I've strayed off course at times and I suppose it begins with the little little diversions, the little compromises, the little put off's and procrastinating, the little distractions.

"Stay the course, Wai Yan!"

"Read my Word," He says to me. "Drink of my Spirit. Pray."

O Lord, keep me on the right course in this journey of life. One that is according to your will, that brings you glory and delight and that pleases you. Grant me the strength and empowerment to be like a rock that is rolling uphill despite the gravity of this world that pulls me away from you. Humble me that I may grow and learn from you. Teach me to walk in faith, in hope and in love. 

In Jesus Name, Amen. 

change of mindset

Lately, I've been having some challenges to the way I see things and some shifts in my perspectives.

Well, not lately, my whole life is made up of that sort of thing really. That's life right? New things come in, people with different ideas or opinions, you learn new things through exposure and your world becomes a little bigger, brighter, darker, deeper, better or even worse (depending on how you begin to look at things).

There are truths, I believe. And truths are objective and absolute. But that's another matter altogether.

So, I like to think of myself as someone who is pretty rational in most areas, someone who is respectful and understanding towards others, and someone who has an open mind and an open heart to learn and receive new knowledge and wisdom. (I think too highly of myself. Be humble, Wai Yan!)

Boy, was I wrong about all that. And what it took was when someone whom I really loved had a rather different and conflicting views with me. Okay, maybe I took it personally and I didn't like that he disagreed with me. I didn't like that I may be wrong or was wrong. :( It really bugged me. It confused me. Was I to be humble and take in this person's view and accept it or was I to be firm in my convictions?

I didn't want to be the kind of person who just believes everything she is told or who just follows the latest or most popular school of thoughts. I didn't want to follow and believe blindly what I was told. I wanted to hold firm to convictions that were mine and stand on foundations that were firm and true. I wanted to have substance in what I believed in.

But most of all, I wanted my thoughts and my opinions to be in line with God's thoughts and truths which would be the Word of God. It was a call to look through His perspectives, to study His Word and to view the world and all its ideas and its whole existence through the lens of God's Word.

Well, how that issue of disagreement was resolved is that there is such a thing as agreeing to disagree and to disagree with grace. After lots of talking and sharing, we decided it was fine to be where we were in our thoughts on the issue. I would take in the person's view but I don't have to accept it as mine. I guess it's a lot more complicated if it's someone you love very much disagreeing with you on some fundamental truth you've had.

That experience however, made me examine my attitude and mindset. And I prayed about it. Because I know I was weak and I make mistakes. And I knew I needed God's grace, wisdom and discernment in all this.

The thought that came and the prayer uttered after was;

Lord,
Let me not be like a wave tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine or newest issue or standpoint. Let me not be like a rock that is so stubborn and so hardened that I do not allow You to move in me and change me. May I be a river, that flows and carries the presence of God wherever I go, that brings life and refreshing to all around me. That washes over the stubborn rocks and gets them wet. Letting them know that there is a God and that He lives.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

"Change of mindset," 

my loves said to me.

Soli Deo Gloria - Glory to God Alone

So, I have not blogged in a while. (This line is getting old) :\

Updates updates...

It's very hard cause I'm in an "in-between" phase or a "not doing anything" phase. Some call it "bumming", the more local term - "mengaggur".

Every day is a little different. Some days I have stuff to do - clean, read, meet ups, catch ups, dates, aanndd other stuff. And I feel productive and happy :) But there are days where I sleep, eat and repeat. Such days make me feel a little down and that my life is rotting away D: Noooo... :(

But anyway, am graduating this October. It is confirmed! Praise the Lord and indeed soli Deo gloria! As I look back at those four years, I know it was more Him than me or anything else. How He consistently stayed and shaped me in my university days. Much has changed, then and now, but one thing remains - God and God alone. He has given me more than I could ever ask for or even imagine. And indeed His ways are above my ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts.

I do miss uni life (a liiiittle bit) :P I miss the friends and the relationships we had built over the couple of years. Yeah, technology and keeping in touch efforts is there but it's not the same as having your roommate who you see daily before/after/in between classes. Oh, back then when our days were measured by what classes/ activities we had :) I miss the perfect mix of routine and leisure back then. We were not too overloaded (last minute assignments and study times are not counted) with work but not slack with absolutely nothing to do. I miss being prodded, pushed and exposed to new knowledge in my courses and through interactions with different people. Learning, I miss learning. I miss the different opportunities you get in uni that you don't get elsewhere.

And today, the new semester begins for the undergraduates. Something I would not be a part of any more. And it's okay :) Cause life has its times and seasons.

Well, that's part of my life history now. Moving on :) To a bright and exciting adventure ahead. Holding fast to the constant in my life and reminding myself it is all unto His glory. He must increase, I must decrease.

Soli Deo Gloria.