what's left...(is not right :P)

Been meaning to write a post for quite some time now, just couldn't find the time to piece all my bits and pieces of thoughts together. Yes, life is super crazy hectic. How I survive each week is nothing short of a miracle and I have God to thank for that. Week 11 just ended, stepping into Week 12 soon! And then 13...and then 14 and then...HOLIDAYS! CHRISTMAS! YOUTH CAMP! study break :\ and when we come back, exams. You get the idea.

But anyway, a few morning walks in the previous week (due to Micah the car needing a fix up and having lent my bus card to a friend), God has been reminding me and putting a lot of things into perspective for me, He is Sovereign and He is in control. I just have to allow Him to guide and direct my ways. No need for the unnecessary fuss, stress and all that jazz. Peace, God's peace. That is what I'm experiencing and I really can't explain it. It's beyond my understanding, beyond my finite comprehension. 

Honestly, I have been doing a lousy job as a steward of my time :( And the consequences are pretty teruk. I deserve some crappy grades this semester and I should be bracing myself for the drop :\ But while there's still this bit of time left, I'm going to commit it to God. It's not much but will do my best with what I have left. Not much, but still enough to be used by God. 

I  don't want to get disillusioned, I don't want to begin to take this grace from God for granted. I don't want to treat God's commands with contempt. Commands such as to be a steward of my time, to do whatever I do with all my heart as working for the Lord not for men, to honoring Him with my life. I pray the fear of God which is the beginning of wisdom will begin to take hold of my life.

Lord, forgive me for how I've wasted so much of what You gave to me. Forgive me for being like the lazy servant who hid the talent the master gave. Forgive me for treating your grace with contempt. Forgive me when I've let so many people down, for when I disappointed others and You because of my attitude. Forgive me. I don't understand why I've just been so distracted, tired and worn out this whole semester. So, unproductive. :\ 

5Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. 6You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.” (sounds familiar!)

7This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. 8Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the LORD. 9“You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. 10Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. 11I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands.”

Haggai 1:5-11

 I ask myself, "What have I been building?" Have I gotten so caught up in doing the things I've been called to do that I forgot the one who called me? Have I lost sight of my purpose here in UM, in TESL, in JTK, in PKVUM? O God, remind me once again of my purpose of being where I am. You said that this season would be one of preparation and equipping. I feel like I'm taking steps backwards, like I'm going nowhere :( God, maybe I don't see it now or maybe I've turned off the original path set for me and am going in another direction. But God, I ask that if it is the case of me not being able to see, that You would help me to trust in You no matter what. Little glimpses of what is to come would be nice :) And if it is the case of me going off on another road apart from Yours, I pray You will direct and guide me back to the right path and cause me to walk steadfastly with You. Lord, whatever time I have left, I offer it up to You and ask that You would teach me what to do. I trust in You.


I found the title pun to be quite amusing. Couldn't help myself from saying "What's left...is not right." Right as in the right and left opposites. But when I typed it out, my heart sank, it really meant to say, what's left is not right. Right as in correct, acceptable, okay :( And my life's not right at this moment. Sigh. But through God's grace and guidance, I'm going to try to steer it back to what's right. Until there's nothing left, I must give it my best to make what's left, right.