scattered

so much has been happening over the past week, my thoughts are scattered. in a good way though :)

i just need some time and i'll update properly, promise :)

soon to come,

• day out with the back row people minus one, G-FORCE :D
• trip to Zoo Negara with the PPBC-ian Youths and Rachael's students :)
• what happened at thePlan09
• Project LRT aka Project Syok Sendiri with JoshuaTay
• Green House BBQ :)
• all that God has put in my heart :)

God has been doing some pretty amazing things and it amazes me how i can be so self absorbed and so indifferent to the things around me at times. tsk, terrible. God has opened my eyes to see a little bit more of His bigger picture, not the whole thing, but enough to make me realize there is a BIGGER BIGGER ENORMOUS HUGE plan in God's heart. and as i continue to go along with Him, He'll reveal it bit by bit. i just have to trust.

so, yeah. till next time! :)

Dear Lord,

thank You for letting me be a part of Your plan, Your great great plan.

I pray that You will expand my vision of You, that You will open my eyes to see things the way You see them and not through my own tainted outlook.

teach me obedience in prayer, in action, in words.

teach me to love like how You love.

let Your plan be my life's goal and let it be the plan that I go by.

because Your plan is the best plan.

this feeling

i love this feeling! ♥

no more trials.

though i am very clear on the fact that it's less than two months to the real thing.

this is for the moment!

but for now, trials is done with. :)

though i did screw up some papers but still...

Praise the Lord!

so, i stayed back for cf recess meeting today and was blessed :) i sayang the younger ones much, and seeing them grow in their walks with God is so encouraging. i pray that God will keep them close to Him always.

time flies so so so fast. i feel aged.

but as i look back on my ever lengthening timeline, i see God's love and faithfulness all throughout. and i am so grateful for all He has done. so so so grateful :)

and if it's God's will, there's still a long exciting journey ahead.

ah, you make all the difference!

you who makes my life have a purpose.

you who are ever present and real in my life.

you who are full of surprises and miracles.

you, O Lord, i love you! ♥

besides that, i'm going for thePlan09 this sunday till wednesday. it's a mission conference thing and i am so excited! pray for God to speak and for the people there, the young people there especially, to answer and obey His call.

i'm really excited about God's call, but at times i'm not sure. i struggle with wanting to have control of my own life and my own future of wanting things to go according to my way, but i know that God's ways are above mine and His thought higher than my thoughts. and so, my life is at its best in His hands, according to His plans.

i was reminded of this some weeks back during an LYPG meeting. and it made me reflect on my walk with God again. how comfortable i had become at some point of my life, that He had to remind me of His call. His call to deny me, to die to myself and my desires and to follow Him.

Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Luke 9:23

there is no greater purpose for my life than God's purpose. and that is the purpose i hope to be able to live out.

i am sorry, Lord, for the times i've let you down, times when i've gone my own way. but i thank you for being ever faithful and ever patient, always ready to take me back and embrace me when i came running back to you. thank you. help me, Lord, to know your purpose and to obey them. grant me courage and strength to do what you tell me to do and help me to trust in you always.

(: smile :) :D (",)

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

- smile, uncle kracker

it's such a happy song :) i likee...!

i can't believe it that i'm halfway through trials, actually more than halfway :)

the harder papers are done, though i did screw up :(

but but but...i survived!

God has been so amazing and faithful throughout.

thank You, Lord :)

but i'm pretty anxious about tomorrow's math paper.

argh, math's just not really my thing :(

okays, have a nice day!

smile :D

live well, die finished

i don't know exactly who quoted that, but i know it's one of yewleung's favorite quotes. and i never really gave much thought to it.

uncle keong passed away just recently at the age of 72 years old.
i didn't really know him closely probably cause of language barriers.

in loving memory of

uncle keong ♥

his last birthday

but at his funeral wake, something really struck me about him. he was a really very caring man. a man with a big heart and who showed it in his actions.

one by one people came out and shared a thing or two about him, as they said their last words about him.

"...uncle keong was a really very caring man. i remember his hospital visits when my mother-in-law was admitted..."

"...uncle keong was a man who really cared. and who puts me to shame. he visited my mother when she was in the hospital almost everyday. and how did he come? he took the LRT. that really says something about going the distance..."

"...uncle keong even after twenty over years still remembered me and called me up to visit...he really cared..."

"...my papa left a legacy..."

one common thing - a very caring man.

and it was just so so beautiful. :)
i'm glad that he's saved and that he's in heaven now. and one day, i'll meet him there.

and it got me thinking.

when i die, what would i have left behind that the people around me would remember? what would they say at my funeral?

and i thought about my current situations. oh, the dilemmas with my studies and how it is sometimes just so downright discouraging. STPM! *jeng jeng jeng* about my unclear future, what am i going to do? (well, due to trials, my worries were mostly about stpm...)

and then it struck me, no ones going to say "waiyan got __A's or __B's or failed in her STPM" at my funeral. it wouldn't be relevant, it wouldn't really mean anything. and it's definitely not what i want them to talk about during my memorial service.

i'm not saying that studies and STPM and all that kind of stuff is not important, it is. it's just not the MOST important thing in the world, if you think about it :)

live well, die finished

to live well, is to live life to the fullest. impacting the lives of the people around us, bringing God's love through our own lives. not wasting life away or hoarding up treasures or living for my own selfish ambitions. but to live life well, live life knowing my purpose. to be a witness for Jesus.

to die finished, is to know that i've given all i can give, given my best. that my talents and abilities are used to their fullest according to how God wants me to use them. because i cannot take anything with me to heaven. because when i die; the money i've earned, the stuff i've bought, properties, career, achievements, family, etc. all these things i cannot bring along to heaven. and so i shall give all i have and die empty at the end of the day. because what matters is the treasures stored in heaven and the legacy left behind. the lives touched and impacted by mine.

i want to live well and die finished.

cause i know that that's what God wants :)

dear Lord,

thank You Lord for every thing You've done in my life, every blessing, every gift, every person you've brought into my life. teach me to live well for You, using what You've blessed me with to bless others. i commit my life to You, my studies, my exams, my future, my needs, everything. and i trust in You. life means so much more because of You and life is worth living because of what You've done.

And because He lives

I can face tomorrow

because He lives

all fear is gone

and because i know

i know He holds the future

and life is worth the living

just because He lives

thank You, Lord. :)

and and and i can't believe i made it through one week of trials already :) thank You, Lord!

edit: "live well, die empty" was quoted by Pastor Andy Yeoh :)

rescue

Dear God,

I really really really need you, Lord. :(

i'm not asking that You give me straight A's in my exams cause i know i don't deserve it.

i'm not asking You to take me out of my situations and place me in a world i percieve as perfect, cause that's just me wanting to run away.

i'm not asking You to show me what the future holds so that i'll be comforted cause that's not faith and who am i to ask that of You?

but please,

i'm asking that You'll teach me what to do.

i'm asking for Your grace and strength to get through this.

i'm asking that You help me to look at things through Your eyes and to look to You.

i'm asking that You'll calm my fears and grant me courage to go through with this.

because You know what's in my heart. and You know what's best.

i need you. i need You to come to my rescue, Lord...

The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not be in want.

Psalm 23:1