endure, enduring, endured, endures, endurance, end.

what i’ve learned over the past two semesters of my first year in uni…LOTS!

i’ve learned to endure hardships and that hardships are a form of discipline from the one who loves me.

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?

-Hebrews 12:7

i’ve learned that i must continue enduring whatever comes my way and that God will give me the strength i need and because it builds faith and love for one another.

i’ve learned that i’ve endured a lot of consequences from my last minuteness and lousy management skills. i must learn from that.

i’ve learned that despite it all, God’s love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
His love endures forever.

-Psalm 136:1

and this is my hope to keep on enduring - Him who endured it all for me.

² Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful man, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

-Hebrews 13:2-3

i’ve learned that endurance is more than just sticking through something. it’s what keeps you going, pressing forward, persevering when everything is coming against you from every direction. endurance is what carries you to the end, to the finishing line.
endure, until the end.

*notice i’m doing a little alphabet challenge here on my own?
coming up: F! i’m thinking maybe something on faith? forgiveness? friends? future? failures? feelings? or maybe, facebook?

storycorps

storycorps was introduced to me by Yew Kong. and i remember watching this video and tearing in front of my brother Yew Meng who then teased me for crying :(

I couldn't remember what was the name of their youtube channel and could not find it for myself after that. today, it was at the side of my youtube window and i watched a few and i watched the one above again and - cried. haha. such a emo girl :|

i'm sharing with you cause it's touching. go watch the rest. :)

♥

ducks

12th college is doing some work on the ponds we have between the girls’ and guys’ hostel blocks. And the best thing about that is they’ve added some ducks and geese to the pond too!  

Li Fen and I decided to go for a walk around the pond after lunch to see the new pets our college has. And she said, “12th college is like a farm now.” We’ve got cats, chickens, a rooster, and now ducks and geese!

`I’ll try to get some pictures of the ducks and geese.

There are four brown ducks and they always stick together. Always. They swim together, wade about together, clean themselves together.

And then there’s about seven white geese. They stick together too but not as much as the ducks. They’re super adorable when crossing the wooden plank. Hop hop hop.

But the ducks and the geese don’t mix with each other. I’m not sure why.

Okay, just some random rants at midnight about life here in uni. One more paper and then I’m done with first year!

consistency

life has not been consistent. nopes. it fluctuates. it depends on the activities and on the things i have to do. sometimes i'm super duper free and chilled, other times you see me running about with lack of sleep written all over my face.

sleeping time is not consistent, eating times are not consistent, social life also not consistent.

sad to say, my walk with God has not been very consistent either in the midst of my busy mess. :(

looking back at my 7 months break before entering uni and also at my journal, i realized how much more time i had spent with God and on journaling things that were important. and looking back, i'm glad i journaled because on hindsight i've seen God's faithfulness and His consistency in my life.

in the past few months, my journal's been pretty inconsistent too :( there's been a lot of things missed out. lots of struggles, lots of pains, lots of joys, lots of praise, a lot of things – unwritten.

at the end of 2010, the words that God had spoken over and over to me was to be courageous and committed to the things He calls me to, to finish up what He gives to me and not to get distracted halfway.

stepped into 2011, and *whoosh* after a few weeks i was barely able to keep my head above the water. i let a lot of things distract me.

so, as of now, i’m trying to get back my consistency and momentum in this journey. and part of that is journaling and reading back, so that i will remember the things God has spoken to me.

i know it is true, that if i don’t learn to be consistent in my personal walk with God from now, when i start working or dating or doing something that takes a lot of time…sure habis. :\

God, thank You for Your faithfulness and consistency in my life. Thank You for Your amazing and unchanging love that still reaches out to me even when I’ve been so unfaithful and inconsistent in the things You’ve given to me. I’m so sorry I’ve let You down so many times and I’m so sorry for all the broken promises I’ve made. God, thank You for Your grace and mercy and Your second, third, fourth chances You’ve given me. And at the end of the day, I pray I will be like the good and faithful servant in the Parable of the Talents who invested and put to work the talents You’ve given to me. Teach me and guide me, Lord.

and should everything in my life become inconsistent and crazy, i pray that there would still be the one constant consistency in my life – God.

busted

today, i helped my mom dye her hair. it was fun cause we both had no idea how to do it with any proper systems, whether it’s from up to down or down to up, side to side. i don’t know. i just spread and combed through her hair with the dye.

because her hair was short and we had mixed the whole bottle of dye, we decided to dye my hair too. though i think there won’t be much difference as the colour is pretty dark (macam the first time i dyed my hair. super fail )

and as she spread the dye through my hair and tilted my head to the left, she said in shock, “Eh, why got earing here wan?! Since when you poke?”

uh oh. busted.  

i pierced my right helix in february and up till now, my parents have been pretty oblivious to it. hmm.

but mum’s ok with it, i guess. there was no further comment.
just, “Thanks for helping me dye my hair.”

anguish

Please just take some time to watch this video.

Anguish means extreme pain and distress.
The emotion so stirred that it becomes painful.

Yew Meng shared this video in church with us today during our 9AM prayer. Watching it the second time at the end of the church service really broke my heart and left me in tears. There is so much truth in that video. I remembered the times when I knew and felt God's anguish for the church, for His people, for Malaysia. Somehow, along the way I let go of it pursuing my own happiness, my own agendas. Along the way, I grew comfortable. Anguish was replaced by complacency.

I am so sorry, God.

I am not what I was, I am not where I am supposed to be. 

God, I don't have Your heart or Your burden.

God, I'm coming back to you.

Break my heart for what breaks yours.

O God, anguish.

Many times, it's the truth that we need to hear. The truth may be painful but it is what also breaks us and convicts us. And though it may hurt, the truth is far better than the lies and denials that destroy us bit by bit without us realizing it. God, cause me to listen to Your truths and to walk and live in truth.