i really really really need You, God.

Answer me when I call to you,

O my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress;

be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

Psalm 4:1

am not going through anything like what King David went through. 

but there are things that are really bringing me down :(

yet I believe in a mighty God, the God of David and many others who went through all kinds of situations. And I know nothing is impossible for Him.

there is hope even in the most hopeless situations.

in God there is hope.

please, help me. :'(

let’s try to keep things clean and neat, ok?

cleaned up my room

looked like a hurricane ran through it but now it is very neat. chehwahh.
yewmeng likes to joke that if our house got robbed, the robbers would enter my room and think that it had already been ransacked by robbers.
my kawan said more like a tsunami happened, considering the amount of time i took to clean up my room. hehh

but anyway, apart from all those snide remarks, my room is in the state of … BERSIH
and i intend to keep it that way

And i’ve been thinking, my life is very much like my room. It get’s messy, it get’s cleaned up. Many times, i’m just too lazy and tired to clean it up, i’ll just make do with whatever space i can find in the mess. It get’s frustrating when i can’t find my stuff, it gets uncomfortable to live in…and then i’ll go into cleaning mode.

My life gets messy too. I get distracted, get lost, get tired, get frustrated, get stuck, get scared… And always, i’m unable to clean up my life on my own, and God in His love and mercy, reaches out and washes over me. thank you.

My mom always nags me to keep my room tidy. She says to put my clothes back into the cupboard, put my books and stuff back into their correct places, hang up my towel, pick up my clothes, etc. Basically, put away stuff and keep things orderly.

My room doesn’t just become messy in just a minute or two, it starts with trying on clothes and leaving them on my bed, then messing up my cupboard to find a shirt or something, then not putting away my clean folded clothes…the study table get’s messy starting with not putting away the papers and pens after making some cards, then leaving books and papers on it, after a while, it’s so cluttered, i can’t use the table for writing or anything, so I do my work on the bed. bad habit. I like to write, read, study on the bed. And usually just fall asleep with everything on it. Oh, and i leave lots of books and stuff on the floor too. The dressing table goes crazy starting with the accessories; hair ties, earrings, bracelets, necklaces, this and that. After a while, so many things are jumbled up, I sometimes can’t find my pair of glasses. Haiyo. So, that’s roughly how my room ends up looking like a hurricane ran through.

And like life, things usually don’t just come crashing down in a mess instantly. Well, at least for me lah. I tend to just walk into messes or create messes for myself Pretty dumb, but yeah. It starts with little compromises. Not doing what i know i’m supposed to do and doing stuff i know i’m not supposed to do.

Then i wonder, where did it all come crashing down? How did i end up in such a situation?

And all i can do is turn to God. Desperately in need for Him to come intervene, come and help clean up my mess. And sometimes, I wonder if He ever gets fed-up with this girl who never seems to learn her lesson but in His great love and compassion, decides to help her and give her a second chance.

i love you. i know i don’t deserve these second chances. thank you.

So, like how i’m trying to keep my room tidy, i’m going to try to live my life for God according to His standards and His will. I know i will definitely struggle, fall, stumble, make messes, sin…but at least try, try to stay in tune with Him, stay right with God. Where i can, i will live to please Him, and even then i cannot do it on my own, i still run and am fuelled by His grace and strength.

I am after all, just a sinner saved by grace. His grace.

♥

today

today

i hugged my roommate, Li Fen, before she left for her hometown in Johor and said, “ Can you believe it we just finished one sem! Haluansiswa didn’t seem too long ago…” i’m going to miss her very very very much. and i’m sorry that towards the end, i wasn’t really in the room.

today

i packed all my stuff up and took them home. my college room has been a place of silence and solitude, where i go to when i need my time alone to reflect and ponder on stuff. there was one time, i got marooned there without my cell phone and no internet, during the holidays. my roommate was not there and the food stores were closed interesting time. usually after a while it gets too boring, so i run back home to PJ. such a spoilt kid

today

i posted all my NC 2010 pictures on Facebook.

R.I.U.T. : Risk it, U-Turn! NC 2010

TWO! R.I.U.T. : Risk it, U-Turn! NC 2010

today

i read through my red journal and i was reminded of many many many things; good and not so good. the year started off with much hopes and uncertainty. but at the end, seeing how God’s plans unfold was simply amazing. i’ve learned so much this past year and God has been ever-present in my ups and downs. but that’s not the end, He still has much much more in store! and many times i am fearful to go, but i’m asking Him for grace, strength and courage.

today,

i thank God for today.

final two

just got back from NC 2010 and it was really good, really really good.

am having my two last papers for my first sem’s finals tomorrow – Writing About Literature and Physical Education. God, please help me.

am a bit restless now. so, meet my pet baby gecko.

and he’s reading my Physical Education notes

distraction from Writing about Literature

comel kan? aiseh, so distracted. how you tell me, how? okay, back to the notes. and update on NC 2010 will come soon after tomorrow’s two final papers.

last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two, last two!!

that secret place

take me to that place, Lord 

where there’s nothing else but me and you

longing for your presence

i know that you’re drawing me to you

(Fall in This Place, Planet Shakers)

he offered his hand, inviting her to take it and follow him. she placed her hand in his, he took it gently yet held it firmly. she felt the warmth and the security in that grasp and she too tightened her hold just a bit.

he led her to a gate that opened into a lush green garden, hedges and rows of beautiful greenery surrounded them. flowers of the brightest blooms blossomed.

they sat on a wooden bench, spending time just enjoying each other’s presence. he held her close, she rested in his embrace. he told her his secrets, she poured her heart out to him. he comforted and gave her his assurances and promises. she closed her eyes and at that moment let her heart trust him.

she loved it; the sights, the smells, the sounds, the tastes, the touch of it all – she loved his touch most of all. the intimacy, the closeness between them both. she loved him and he loved her.

however, time passed and she didn’t know when it began but her love for him began to fade. she began to be attracted to the world outside that garden. it was tempting and alluring, interesting, wild, mysterious. she began to venture out bit by bit, compromising what she once promised she would never do. eventually she began to disobey his words. he spoke to her, confronted her. she refused to listen, she turned away.

she chased after pleasures, chased after moments, chased after materials. and in all her pursuits she ran farther and farther away from him. even when he invited her to their secret place, she just sat there nonchalantly, ignoring his love for her.

but he still loved her with an unconditional, ferocious and relentless love. he loved her.

one day, as she was wandering around chasing and following those momentary sparks, she tripped, stumbled and fell into a deep pit. her body bruised and cut, it hurt. in the pit were thorny bushes and they began to grow around her entangling her in their vines. she was trapped, tangled and hurt. she struggled to free herself only to become even more trapped. she was tired and she gave up, she surrendered.

he saw her, ran to her and with no hesitation rescued her. he freed her, saved her. he cleaned her wounds and they healed. he restored to her her beauty once again. saviour, healer, redeemer and friend.

she looked at him, and such a strong conviction broke her heart. she begged him to forgive her, to love her again. he quietened her and said, “I love you the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. I love you.”

she closed her eyes, and put her hands to his face, running her fingers over his features; his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his lips. she was rediscovering her first love once again. he was real and so was his love.

and he said to her, “Love me steadfastly.”

--

he is Christ our lover, she is the Church his bride.

have we forsaken our first love? have we forgotten his presence? have we decided to stay out of it?

Husbands, love your wives,

just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:25-27

He loves us. His call to the church is to love Him steadfastly and in loving Him, love the things upon His heart.

may we be steadfast in loving Him.

a road sign and a chick flick

good job, people!  

we finally finished our sign for National Conference (NatCon/NC/ R.I.U.T. banyaknye nama…)

i’m all excited for NC! despite it being in the middle of exams but anyway… yay!!

sarah, concentrating hard on the borders.

our sign nice kan?

ruth vinoth and jessica

thanks for all the help jessica!

all working on colouring just one letter? too fake lah haha.

end product! yayy! we so awesome

awesome helper gets a solo picture with sign too

we rushed off to Tropicana City Mall at about 2.10pm to catch a chick flick with Lydia, Dorenna, Sandra, Yen Yen and Hannah.

We watched You Again.

very funny in a chick flick kind of way, not quite predictable, easy to take in, feel good ending. i like it! the kind of movie that doesn’t require you to think too much or too hard suitable when you should be studying for exams, hah!

actually, i’ve been watching quite some movies in these past two weeks. Megamind and The Other Guys. and i’ve had bucket loads of laughs from them.

must constantly say to myself

“WOI, STUDY LAHH!”

:)

i owe it to love you

PKVUM T.H.E. CAMP 2010

30th October – 2nd November 2010

Highlands Christian Centre (HCC),

Cameron Highlands

it was a camp where lives were challenged to live out our faith and love for God. it was a camp where we learned the power and warmth of encouragement and of loving one another. it was a camp where we realised the importance of unity in the body of Christ with Christ as the head. it was a camp where we learned to see the needs of others instead of always looking at our own needs. it was a camp where Jesus’s Name was lifted high, where we sought God through worship and prayer. it was a camp where we were reminded of our purpose, of God’s love, of our call.

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

(Hosanna, Hillsongs)

Lord, open up our eyes to the things unseen. break our hearts for what breaks Yours. cause our ears to be tuned to listen to Your voice. may we have courage and boldness to step out in faith for You, out of our comfort zones. help us to go that extra mile to love the people around us with Your love. Lord, we want to make a difference in our uni, UM, for You! Lord, I love UM. and I pray that you would cause me to love it even more day by day with Your extraordinary love, not my own limited love. ♥

Let no debt remain outstanding,

except the continuing debt to love one another,

for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

Romans 13:8

 

because you loved me first, i love you.

because of this love, i learn to love the people around me.

♥

for now…

I am super duper duper happy!

First semester is done with. No more lectures (for now) , no more assignments (for now) , no more presentations (for now) , no more stress (for now) … Yes, I am a happy happy girl!

Going up to Cameron Highlands for PKVUM’s T.H.E. (Terrific, Happening, Exciting) Camp for four days tomorrow just adds to the excitement and joy

* I am aware of my excessive use of smileys in this post hahaa.

Just looking back at these 14 weeks in uni, I see so much of God’s grace and strength, His faithfulness and steadfastness, despite all my mistakes and inabilities. The amount of procrastination I succumbed to is just shameful! He helped me to juggle lots of accumulated things, and I love Him for always being there. I know for a fact that He was walking beside me all the way. I try to be conscious of His presence and it does help make the journey a lot less painful. He’s been so so real, thank You, God!

So, three weeks of holiday *ahem* STUDY BREAK, I mean. Five exam papers, and that’s the official end of Semester 1! I am visualising it already.

persevere, somehow you’ll make it through!

For Thy Namesake

The valley was dark. On both sides of the battlefield, the troops were preparing themselves to go into battle, anytime now.

On one side the enemy was championed by a huge strong man, tall, dark, evil. He mocked and profaned the Name of the King of kings. Around him stood his minions, ready to do his bidding. Behind him; captives, chained and  imprisoned, lost.

On the other side, God’s people stood. Some armed and some unarmed, most were not quite ready for battle. There were some who tried to be heroic and charged to try to save the captives, only to be cut down by the enemy. In the middle of the battlefield, many slain and many injured.

What was going on? Why were we losing the battle when we believed that we were fighting on the right side against the right enemy? It didn’t make sense.

Not until, something in me could not stand that God’s Name be profaned the way it was. It was the Spirit. And then it hit me, God’s people were more concerned on freeing the captives and going into battle, and some even just wanted to go into it to gain recognition, glory even. In the midst of that, we forgot what we were fighting for. Everyone’s purpose for being on that battlefield was different. Some wanted fame, some wanted to free the prisoners, some wanted their churches to grow, some were just following. But none of them were concerned very much that God was being mocked.

Our King was being mocked. If we were not fighting for our King, then what were we all there for?

Worship. A stirring within me cried out for us to worship our King, lifting up His Name, no other name but Jesus. Our focus needs to be brought back to our King, the only one who is able to save and who has already won the victory. Worship, giving glory and honour and praise unto His Name. Worship in spirit and in truth.

And as His people turned to Him, in worship and prayer. As they came together for one purpose, to exalt the Name of the Lord, the King Himself came into their midst, came into the battlefield and His glory and holiness shone in the darkness. His radiance was beautiful and His light so powerful that the enemy was scattered and defeated. The people of God basked in the presence of their King, the prisoners were set free from the chains and prisons and their feet were set to dancing. And the people continued to rejoice and worship.

--

Are we, the church, focusing on the other things, that we forget to worship and exalt our King? Are we too concerned with our programs, our ministries, our music, our outreaches that we lose sight of our hope? What are we fighting for; His Name or our own? When we pray, what is our heart’s motive? Have we lost our zeal for our God, our passion and fire for Him?

Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to Your name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness.

Psalm 115:1

walking on water

Matthew 14:25-33

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it is you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

what does it feel like to be walking on water, i wonder...

when i read this passage, i felt God saying to me,

I'm going to ask you to come of your boat now...

are you willing to trust me?

When you are out, cast your eyes upon me,

do not be distracted and despaired by the winds and waves around you...

will you keep your focus on me?

Come to me, trust in me.

stepping out of our boats, out of our comfort zones, out of our safe vessels.

stepping out in faith and walking on waters, defying everything that is logical and that others believe impossible.

stepping out, with our hearts and eyes set on Christ, walking towards Him.

even when the waves and winds around us are wild and viciously attacking us, keep walking on the waters with our vision cast upon Him.

yet, even if we lose faith and begin to sink, cry out to Him, and He will come and save.

my life is at a point where God is challenging me to step out in faith with him. letting go of all my hopes and ambitions, my wants and so-called "needs", to chase after the things of God and to do His will.

Dear God,

You know me far better than i know myself.

You see my fears, my timidity, my worries.

You know how i often allow my logic to cause me to doubt.

You know how silly and easily distracted i can get.

You know how i can be selfish and hypocritical at times (actually, lots of times).

You have a whole load of broken promises i've made to You.

You know how imperfect and broken i am.

You know me, and yet You still choose to love me. Thank You.

Help me to step out of this boat in faith, onto the waters, despite the winds and the waves. Help me to be courageous and bold for You. Help me to walk towards You, not turning to the left or to the right. And when my eyes see the waves around me and my heart starts to worry, when my whole life seems to be sinking down down down; save me.

am going to start serving in PKVUM (Persaudaraan Kristian Varsiti Universiti Malaya). AGM's in a few hours time. it's going to be so different from Taman SEA's CF, but we are still serving the same God and it's going to be an exciting journey. and i pray that God would cause our lives to be transformed into the likeness of Christ more and more as we go along this journey of serving Him here in UM. :)

all i need

trust in me,

he says.

and that is all the reason i need to go on.

all the hope i need to move on.

all i need to heal my heart.

all i need to know

his true love.

♥

i love you.

this is a test. testing, one two three!

It's like I'm rediscovering blogging all over again!

Did you know you can email your post to a secret address you create and blogger will post it up for you? Way COOL!! (i wonder if the emocticons will show too)

And and and I've added this reaction thing, so you can 'like' my posts if you want. *hinthint*

I think I blog because it's a good distraction from my assignments :| tsk, terrible!

*edit.

ahh, so malu, i typed the wrong address and thought that this whole thing was a fluke. hehh, shy.

rewind, pause, play

dear blog, long time no see!

how are you doing? :D

time for a revamp!

new title, new background, new theme :)

i like the whole rain on my window pane look.

it has a refreshing feel to it.

i like the rain.

A little update on what's been going on in my life. I've started university in University Malaya, doing a degree in TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language). I'm about to finish my first semester and it's been quite a journey. I've met new people, learned new things and discovered much in the process.

God's been taking me through the journey step by step, bit by bit. I'm learning to trust Him a lot more now. And He never fails to amaze me with His unconditional love, grace and mercy. To be transformed in Him, I need to be close to Him.

So, for now, it's a lot of reflecting and drawing near to God, allowing Him to touch, heal and remove areas of my life that are not Christlike. Getting to know Him better, falling in love with Him deeper, and experiencing Him like never before.

Being in uni can get really hectic :| Assignments, presentations, deadlines, activities *BIG SIGH* When everything gets so overwhelming and unbearable, slow it down.

Rewind; to remember our purpose and hope in God, remember His everlasting promises.

Pause; take a break and find rest in His presence, listen to His still voice.

Play; continue on with His strength and grace, find joy in Him!

Rewind. Pause. Play.

Have a nice day! :)

firsts :)

haven't been writing here in almost two months and it has been very exciting times. lots of first times for me :)

in march, i started working as a promoter in an electrical appliance store. first time working for more than a few weeks, first time working as a promoter, first time selling electrical appliances (i have gained a little more knowledge about certain things :), first time meeting my colleagues of many races :) it wasn't easy at first, considering i have no background in the electrical line and had not undergone any training whatsoever, but by God's grace and lots of help and kindness from the people around me, it was a good experience at the end of the day. i've me some pretty interesting people on the way too, fellow workers and customers too. i thank God :)

after the whole work stint, i've started appreciating and enjoying my break a lot more :)

in april, we had lots of preparations for Easter, helped out with props and a small part of the presentations. i am reminded of the painful ransom Christ paid for our salvation and am ever grateful.

For Christ's love compels us,

because we are convinced that one died for all,

and therefore all died.

And He died for all,

that those who live should no longer live for themselves

but for Him who died for them and was raised again.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view.

Though we once regarded Christ in this way,

we do so no longer.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,

he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!

All this is from God,

who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ,

not counting men's sins against them.

And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors,

as though God were making His appeal through us.

We implore you on Christ's behalf:

Be reconciled to God.

God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us,

so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain.

For He says,

"In the time of my favor I heard you,

and in the day of salvation i helped you."

I tell you,

now is the time of God's favor,

now is the day of salvation.

2 Corinthians 5:14-6:2

i was very blessed and inspired by this portion of scripture. and i pray that my life, words and actions have been a light to the people around me. and i hope that i would not just commit this passage to memory in my head, but that i will write it upon my heart and live it out in my life. truly saying, "for Christ's love compels me..."

apart from that, i went to sarawak with my dad about a week ago :)

my first time flying in a plane; AirAsia to Sarawak and MAS Airlines back. i love take off's and landings and the clouds around me.

we stayed on my dad's student's farm and plucked fruits from the trees and ate them. we went fishing at their ponds on the first day, and i caught my very first haruan fish :) and it was pretty huge :D and we took it to the restaurant and had it cooked and it was yummy :)

yeahh :)

for the next two days, i just followed my dad and his student around looking at rocks and outcrops and rock formations. learned quite a lot of geological terms hanging around them though i am still not quite sure what exactly they were talking about. hmm.

i got to watch the rain come in for the first time, it's fast and it's pretty amazing. have never seen anything like that. i sat in a boat ride to Kapit on the Rejang River (longest river in malaysia) for the first time, and the river is HUGE and the water looks like teh tarik, even from the plane.

many other firsts in Sarawak, and enjoyed myself very much :)

coming back to PJ from East Malaysia, i am quite determined to learn Mandarin as i realized communication is vital. and my chinese language really cannot make it lorr :/

coming back, i realized how i've been so blessed in my life and i will try to live it to the fullest.

ohhh, i got struck by lightning for the first time in my life today! no kidding. and i thank God i'm alive. i think i should have some new super power now as a result of that, just that i haven't found out what it is yet :)

oh, and for the first time in a long time, my house has pretty much no entertainment. TV's struck dead by lightning and so is the modem and PC :/ so, currently, i'm in Old Town with YewMeng and SiehJin, using their free internet and drinking coffee. :) i guess it's time to do more reading now that there's no more computer and tv, good also lah.

goodnights! :)